So Silas was born and then hauled off to the nursery. They were ready to bring him back to my room once the respiratory problems were resolved and AB fed him. Unfortunately once he ate, his blood sugar spiked and then dropped, necessitating a longer nursery stay. At that point he had his first x-ray of his chest ruling out other issues.
Finally my legs were back - or most of the way back - and I called for a nurse to help me get to the restroom and get cleaned up so I could go and see my baby boy. This nurse was THE perkiest thing I have ever met. She annoyed me. She annoyed me not in any way she could help or that she wasn't kind. She was ultra-kind, sweetest thing that ever lived - but I wanted to get down to business and get down the hallway not have Pollyanna dawdle with me in the restroom.
I was finally cleaned up and then AB walked me down the hall. We went into the nursery and scrubbed in, put our gowns on and then went over to our baby's newly assigned bay. Inside an incubator keeping him warm and nakey. They pulled him out so I could try and nurse him and hold him. I held him for about a half hour before they were anxious to get him back in the incubator. Throughout the day we went back and forth giving him a little time in the incubator, a little time for me in bed, some lunch, then back to hold Silas Ingvald Carman.
As I said in his birth story, AB had narrowed it down to two names - Silas and Roan. Silas was leading because Leif LOVED the name. He hadn't expressed interest in any name, except Silas. And he got a little teary if we mentioned that the baby's name may not be Silas. I ruled Roan out fairly quickly because Roan means "red haired". And well, with Skadi that would have flown - she was so obviously a red head at birth. Leif - once his hair came in at about age 2 - was also a red head. Though his red hair was fairly short lived and he is more sandy brown/strawberry blonde now. AB had a work friend who despised being a red head. He met Leif about age 4 and said, "red hair? That kid doesn't have red hair. Had I had that color of hair there would have never been a problem." And he forbid AB from ever referring to his son as red haired again around him.
Anyway, I couldn't name a boy after being red-headed if he wasn't! And his head showed signs of being blonde, brown and maybe a little bit of red. So Silas it was. Our other high ranking name was Espen and AB and I both have kind of wondered what happened with "Espen" after birth. I would have considered it, AB had it as his top name for so long. But it seemed to fall off our radar at the last minute.
Then the middle name. We were leaning towards Ingvald after AB's great grandfather, Ingvald Heggem, who immigrated from Norway and became a renowned boatbuilder in Seattle. His drawings are in the Smithsonian. He also was one of the founders of Ballard and no books or other documentation detailing this historic part of Seattle are complete without mention of Ingvald Heggem. Actually there was one recently and "the family" - or at least the historian of the family - has rejected it as utter crap because the family was not consulted on it.
Ingvald is less traditional, but AB and I liked that it addressed the (self-imposed) Scandinavian name requirement and the family name requirement since while Silas is very popular as a name in the Scandinavian countries right now, it is in fact Hebrew meaning "of the forest".
Silas was put on a glucose drip to maintain his blood sugar for awhile. He had little desire to nurse or to eat in general. He was diagnosed with newborn hypoglycema. Immediately I went back to those gestational diabetes yes or no discussions. My high risk doc was positive I was undiagnosed GD, while my ob insisted it just wasn't the case. You don't pass the 1 hour GD even if you are just borderline he told me. But I still wondered. And especially now. So who better to ask then the nursery nurses?
Me: "So does that mean I did have gestational diabetes?"
Nurse S: "Oh no, he's not a GD baby."
Me: "One doctor thought I may have undiagnosed GD."
Nurse S: "Oh no, particularly an unmanaged GD case. GD babies, even managed GD babies are chunky and have little rolls of fat. Silas is skinny. He is big, but 8 lbs 11 oz is not an unmanaged GD size. He is big because he is long, not because he is chunky."
Me: "Why else would he be hypoglycemic?"
Nurse S: "Actually the top reason we ever see hypoglycemic babies here is due to respiratory issues. If a baby, like yours, receives positive pressure air due to respiratory issues, they almost certainly will be hypoglycemic to varying degrees."
And sure enough, within 24 hours two other babies were born with respiratory issues (one pneumo thorax) and were both hypoglycemic.
I am not positive this completely puts to rest the GD question for me, but at least his nurses didn't believe he was a GD baby.
That first 12 hours was pretty smooth sailing and we were fairly confident that we would get the hypoglycemia issues resolved and he would move out of the nursery in the morning.
AB brought the kids to meet Silas and we had some nice family time. The kids got to scrub into the nursery and touch Silas through the portals in the incubator. Then they left.
Shortly after they left that evening Silas started vomiting. If you have never seen a newborn vomiting, you don't want to. I felt horrible watching him struggle and watching the nurses run to him and flip him over and whisper to him. He was quickly confined to the incubator and I was told to go back to my room to sleep for the night. My ob stopped by and came into the nursery begging me to let him give me something so I could sleep. I assured him I would be able to sleep, that I didn't want to be sedated. He finally let up and said he would check in with me in the morning.
As I was getting ready to leave Nurse Sarah called her counterpart Nurse Donnata over to listen to his chest. "I think Baby Carman has a heart murmur," she said.
Sure enough, Nurse Donnata (who I later found out was quite knowledgeable in heart murmurs with a daughter who had one) confirmed it and they noted it. As I was leaving, (I had a hard time pulling myself away) they put a tube down Silas' throat to act as a drain and taped it to his precious little face. The tube allowed the gases that were building up in his tummy to be released and allowed them to rinse his tummy out repeatedly. I asked them what exactly they were pulling out as I looked at the contents of the rinsing syringe - they told me it was amniotic fluid and a fair bit of blood.
A quick call to the doctor to inform him of the new developments and they had an abdominal scan scheduled in the coming few hours and he was put on antibiotics.
And then I went back to my room and tried to sleep. Of course my sleep was interrupted regularly by the nurses checking on me.
It was very easy to quickly forget that *I* was also a patient. That they needed to monitor me, medicate me and take care of me too.
As soon as I got up in the morning I showered - yes, to this point, I had forgotten to shower. Then I ate breakfast and hurried down to the nursery. Silas had been confined to the incubator, stomach tube placed better, antibiotics going and in the incubator solid now. No coming out to visit. The on call pediatrician came by to tell me that the abdominal scan was normal, the blood in his stomach was likely just my blood - did I by chance have blood in my amniotic fluis? Yes, I did I told him. He had stabilized overnight, but was under close observation and at that point we were told that he would be in for at least another 2 days. Once on the antibiotics, he wasn't coming off for a couple days. They had ordered an echocardiogram to diagnose the heart condition and they would be here at any point.
I sat in the nursery, teary eyed. The list kept getting longer with issues, not shorter.
Pretty soon the EKG people arrived. The tech didn't have much to say to me, and I knew he couldn't make diagnoses. But he didn't give me the "well I would say everything looks good" impression either. They told me they would be sending the EKG to the pediatric cardiologist in Spokane and we would get a report back.
My ob came by and was surprised to find us still in the nursery. "You don't have anywhere you need to be, right?" he asked. I shook my head. "Then I can keep you as a patient for another 24 hours and then I will release you as a 'boarder mom'." As a boarder mom I would be given a room in the family birthing center, I could order food and I could come and go as needed as long as I kept the nurses and the nursery staff informed.
The coming three days slowly became a blur of walking up and down the halls to see Silas, sitting in the nursery looking at Silas - I finally got to hold him again at some point, and I can't remember when - and watching bad daytime TV. All the days just blurred together and I was feeling cheated of my precious leave time - it shouldn't be used up on me sitting in a hospital room without my baby. It should be at home with my husband. Same thing for AB - his one week of leave was full of driving back and forth, fielding the older two and fetching me food (as I was sick of hospital food).
AB would get up and get the kids on the bus. Then he would drive to the hospital and spend the morning with me and Silas. Then he would go get us lunch. Spend the afternoon with me and Silas until he needed to go home and meet the kids' bus. Then he would bring them to the hospital to see us and usually bring dinner with. Those evening visits got shorter as the kids became more accustomed to the hospital and the nursery (read, they became bored quickly and their boredom became exhausting to AB and I, who were tired and it was easier for AB to deal with them at home).
Each night, once Silas was allowed to be out of the incubator, they phoned me every 3 hours to come down and try to nurse, which usually ended up in complete failure and I was getting frustrated that my lactation consultant wasn't listening to me. It was my excuse though to sneak in some extra snuggle time, as I would hold him until someone would realize I was still there and Silas wasn't back in the incubator. He had skin to skin time with me, I was sure he wasn't freezing. But wow, they were effective at getting him on a good schedule and hopefully I don't completely kill that...
I spent the days and nights sitting in the nursery watching babies come and go and very few hang out for more than a couple hours. One day I came in and there was a 10 lbs 11 oz baby boy next to Silas. My boy looked tiny!
Silas was born on a Tuesday and by Friday he was doing well. I finally insisted after many unsuccessful nursing sessions and after reassuring EVERYONE around me that my milk will eventually come in and I am a dedicated breastfeeding mom with plenty of experience, to let me give him formula. Nurse Sandy backed me up. I said I didn't want to take him home not knowing if he could tolerate anything on his stomach, and the on call pediatrician agreed. He needed to eat formula and prove he could maintain his blood sugar before he would release him. Nurse Sandy went and retrieved a bottle of formula in seconds and had it in my hand and I relieved, sat and gave my son a bottle.
Nurse Sandy, who I had come to really like and we finally figured out she was my L&D nurse with Leif, was pushing for us to get released. She got all his release paperwork done, did footprints, hearing test and then that late afternoon went and called the on call pediatrician with news that Silas had, for 6 hours, done well with formula. The on call pediatrician said, "great, keep him overnight and make sure he does well overnight".
For all my desire to NOT be in the hospital one more day, I also was scared to death of bringing a sick baby home and having him vomit that evening. I was fine with him staying and I reminded myself I could tolerate anything for my kids and settled in for another night of being slave to the ringing phone instead of my baby's whimpers in a sleeper next to me.
At this point the respiratory issues had resolved, the hypoglycemia resolved as he was weaned off the glucose. The vomiting ceased. No abdominal issues were noted. The jaundice was mild. The heart murmur was diagnosed and recommendations for referral were issued. Things were looking up.
I got to know the nurses well during those days and quickly realized that nearly every nurse there had some hand in our care. Silas had about 5-6 different nurses and I had had more. One of Silas' nurses who had diagnosed the heart murmur gave me the inside scoop on pediatric cardiologists - basically there were none in the area. The closest was Spokane, but I really wanted to see the Seattle Children's cardiologists - they are the best. I took her recommendations to heart.
Finally Saturday morning arrived and at 9am I had our release orders. Which all would have gone great if Leif hadn't had a soccer game at 9am. So Silas and I hung out until AB, Leif and Skadi could get there about 10:30 to pick us up. Once he got there it was the quickest release ever. Nurse Sandy wanted to be the one to walk us out, and I didn't want to keep her from the nursery longer than necessary, so we hurried. And I only snapped a couple pictures along the way of Silas in his cute (if not completely poorly designed) Hanna Anderssen sweater outfit - it only had one opening at the legs and was difficult to get on him. But it was SO cute.
Finally we were all in the Sequoia, headed home. And like with the other kids, I needed a big bubble around our car. People drive like maniacs!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
Silas' Birth Story
My water broke. On the kitchen tile thank goodness. I had been on the couch and barely got any on there, or on the carpet as I had headed to go upstairs. But once my feet were on the tile the flood came. Literally. No joke.
My water had broken with Skadi too, but this was about 10 times as much. It just kept gushing as AB stared in awe. Finally he went and got kitchen towels as I was trying to get my pants off and was at the same time dismayed that my leather flip flops (the only thing my feet fit into) were soaked. What in the world was I supposed to put on my feet.
I also then started noting the blood. The fluid wasn't clear. It was pink and there was actual red blood.
When my water broke with Skadi I remember taking my time. But knowing what a good friend had gone through with his wife in January and hearing his refrain in my head - "if you see pink or blood, get to the hospital asap". When AB started moving, I was full on ready to run to the hospital. We got things fairly well cleaned up, got the bags, texted the friends that Plan A was back on and got into the car. I noted the time - 2:58pm. And was also suddenly very happy it hadn't happened a few hours earlier at Bookwalter.
My water was still gushing and I was sitting on towels in the car. Everything felt different, smaller, tighter. Every bump in the road I could feel and the baby's moves were very painful.
But similar with Skadi - no contractions.
We arrived at the Birthing Center and they seemed a little confused - yes, I was the 10pm induction, but I was early, and hello my water broke. I should have just said "my water broke", not started with that I was the induction scheduled for 10pm as they seemed to have stuck on that detail.
They asked me if I had a choice in rooms as only one was occupied and I picked one of the ones with the new spa shower. I was put into what I believe, was the same room that Skadi was born in. Some renovations had been done since she was born, but the location was right and the direction the room faced was right. It was a happy day!
They put me on the monitors and Olivia was my nurse for just a few hours until shift change - Olivia was my nurse with Skadi too. It was noted that no, I was not contracting, but baby was moving well, had steady heartrate and was not in distress. I was put on a penicillin IV ordered for every four hours until delivery because I was Group B Strep positive.
Once they got the first dose of penicillin in me and determined the baby was doing good, I was released to walk the halls. And here we were, same as with Skadi, walking the halls. Only with her we got to watch the sunrise... not the sunset. It was quiet in the birthing center and we cruised the halls. Only a few contractions here and there.
We ate dinner and hung out, walked and waited until Dr. M would call in again for an update and instruct on the path forward at 10pm.
At 10pm he called in and ordered the induction that was initially scheduled for 10pm - same path forward, two doses of Cytotec each 5 hours apart and then start Pitocin at 7am given that I was not having any contractions.
At 11pm my nurse Shana brought in the first dose of Cytotec and AB laid down to try and sleep. I did the same. I was able to successfully sleep some for the first couple hours. The contractions that started in those first few hours were enough that I noticed them, but not enough that I couldn't sleep through them either. Until 3am.
At 3am I was fully awake and having strong contractions. I told myself to let AB sleep and to just go with the contractions for the next hour until they brought in my next dose of Cytotec.
That was THE longest 45 minutes of my life. The contractions were coming pretty strong, very regular and I found myself holding onto the bed rails and counting while breathing to get through them. Finally I woke AB up and asked him to go get the nurse.
Shana came in, checked my cervix and got ready to go call Dr. M to let him know I was contracting hard, should she administer the next dose of Cytotec? I was positive that I was likely at least 5-6 cm by now.
2 cm.
TWO freaking centimeters.
I was so sad and frustrated. I remember with Leif and Skadi being 5 cm before insisting on an epidural. And here I was at two centimeters begging for pain relief.
My nurse came back with news from Dr. M. I could have either IV pain relief or an epidural. Skip the next dose of Cytotec and pitocin at 7am to get me dilated.
I reasoned out with the nurse that I wanted the IV pain relief instead of the epidural at this point because at only 2 cm I didn't want to be hooked up to an epidural that entire time. AB helped me get up and go to the restroom, which was a horribly difficult trip. I got back and the IV was started.
Shana told me that the pain would not go away, but just take the edge off. I could have two doses - one 100% dose, of which she only wanted to give me half to start to see how I tolerated it as she had prior patients react poorly mentally to it. As she put it, "it gets into your head".
I tolerated it well. I can't describe the feeling now - 1.5 weeks later - but "getting into your head" was a good descriptor. The second dose would be an 80% dose and she warned me it wouldn't last as long. I remember asking how long I would feel better and she said 45-60 minutes for the first dose.
I was able to relax some, she was right, just the edge of the pain was taken off. The contractions were still strong, I still clung to the bed rails, counted and breathed hard. But it wasn't as bad as it had been.
60 minutes flew by and suddenly I was begging for the second dose.
She was right, it didn't work nearly as well the second time around and by 30 minutes in I was begging for the epidural and this time I was serious. Get it here. Now.
It was about 5:30am and AB helped me head to the bathroom while I waited for the epidural. Once there I felt like I was going to throw up. Shana came in and said, "she can't be in transition yet, but I want to check her once she gets back".
And upon checking me she started panicking. Ok, actually she was very calm. But you know that kind of fake calm that comes over people? She started moving very quickly.
7 Centimeters.
"You went from 2 to 7 centimeters in 1.5 hours," she gasped!
She "walked quickly" to the door and yelled down the hall to the nurses station:
"Call Dr. Morrison, April is 7 cm in 1.5 hours and get an epidural here NOW!"
Suddenly AB was wide awake and next to me helping with the contractions. Nurses were in and out. And that epidural took his time.
Finally Dr. Epidural arrived, sauntered in slowly and decided to go through a list of questions with me whereby he politely stopped asking questions for each and every freaking contraction.
Shana stepped it up.
"Dr. Epidural sir, no disrespect, but she went from 2 to 7 centimeters in record time and we need to get this moving," she said.
He was surprisingly dismissive of her (in my opinion) and went about his very slow movements.
I have never, in all three of my labors, wanted to yell at anyone... except him. I wanted to scream and yell at him. I recalled seeing a thing on TV whereby an anesthesiologist had gotten a kidney stone and after that experience said that he never dilly dallied on getting a woman an epidural.
I wished kidney stones on him.
I sat on the edge of the bed with my arms around AB contracting every few minutes waiting and waiting for Dr. Slow Epidural to get a move on. I recalled with my other two nearly immediate relief after the epidural. Not this time around. I think I had another 4-5 contractions before feeling relief. Once I felt relief I just wanted Dr. Slow Epidural to leave he annoyed me so much.
Shana checked me again and announced 8 cm and "where is Dr. M!" She yelled down the hall, you guys did call him didn't you? She is 8cm!
Suddenly the room was being set up for delivery and nurses were in and out. But no Dr. M.
Finally someone announced that he was in the hospital. And a huge glow emanated in my life.
The epidural was eh. It was working very well, I could hardly feel contractions, but my right leg was like a lead weight and my left was only slightly better. With my other two I could still feel contractions and move my legs. This one, not as good. Dr. Slow Epidural was still on my shit list.
With Skadi I had the "floppy cervix", whereby it seemed dilated because it was "floppy", but not all the way. They kept saying I was right there, just one little lip of the cervix, and talk that they could almost just nudge it into place. So for all the racing, we were left sitting and waiting. But at least I couldn't feel anything!
Finally the nurse suggested we do a couple of test pushes. Success. I pushed the baby moved down. Suddenly everyone was in place and ready for a baby.
Push #1 - there's the head crowning - they brought the mirror over so I could see.
Push #2 - the head was born.
Push #3 - the body was born at 8:21am
(This is a significant time. My mother was born at 6:21 am, my sister, I believe, at 6:21am. I was born at 11:21pm, Leif was born at 1:21pm, and now Silas at 8:21am. Skadi - in her quest to be different - was born at 1:59pm.)
Suddenly there was this little being on my chest and I was trying to get a good look at him.
Then suddenly he was snatched off my chest, taken over to the area where they work on the babies and loads of commotion. I knew he wasn't breathing. He was pinkish, not blue from what I could see, but they said he was "holding his breath". Once on oxygen he was pink, but taking him off oxygen he was not sustaining respiration.
They unsnapped everything and within minutes were out the door running him down to the nursery. I yelled at AB to go with him. It was obvious he felt torn as he saw my tears and his son being wheeled away.
Then I was sitting there by myself with Dr. M reassuring me. I knew one of his children had been born with issues causing her to be whisked away, so he continued to tell me about her and about how things are just fine. He is in good hands. We talked about how we both agree that hospital births are best - he said it scares him to death when people opt for a home birth and what happens when a baby like mine is born who is having trouble.
I kept wondering what he looked like, how much he weighed, how long he was.
AB popped in a few minutes later to tell me he was breathing, everything was going to be fine. I sent him back with a camera. Get pictures, I told him. I needed to see pictures.
I sat there and sobbed.
AB came back and asked if he could give him formula? Of course, I barked! Get back there! But also get back here. And leave the camera here! And yes, I am sobbing, but it is because Dr. Slow Epidural gave me too much epidural and I can't move my legs and they think it will be a few hours before I can get up and get down to see him.
We talked briefly about names. AB had narrowed it down to Roan and Silas from our somewhat extensive list. (Since this is our last baby, no chance of recycling names, our list is here: Espen (was AB's lead most of the pregnancy), Silas (my lead most of the pregnancy), Roan (the dark horse that popped up at the last minute), Sven, Viggo, Rafe, Anders, Tait, Beck and Knut). But I was pretty insistent that I see him before going with a name.
AB went back to give him formula. He did that and they were getting ready to wheel him back when suddenly they changed their mind. And Silas would remain in the special care nursery for the next 4 nights.
My water had broken with Skadi too, but this was about 10 times as much. It just kept gushing as AB stared in awe. Finally he went and got kitchen towels as I was trying to get my pants off and was at the same time dismayed that my leather flip flops (the only thing my feet fit into) were soaked. What in the world was I supposed to put on my feet.
I also then started noting the blood. The fluid wasn't clear. It was pink and there was actual red blood.
When my water broke with Skadi I remember taking my time. But knowing what a good friend had gone through with his wife in January and hearing his refrain in my head - "if you see pink or blood, get to the hospital asap". When AB started moving, I was full on ready to run to the hospital. We got things fairly well cleaned up, got the bags, texted the friends that Plan A was back on and got into the car. I noted the time - 2:58pm. And was also suddenly very happy it hadn't happened a few hours earlier at Bookwalter.
My water was still gushing and I was sitting on towels in the car. Everything felt different, smaller, tighter. Every bump in the road I could feel and the baby's moves were very painful.
But similar with Skadi - no contractions.
We arrived at the Birthing Center and they seemed a little confused - yes, I was the 10pm induction, but I was early, and hello my water broke. I should have just said "my water broke", not started with that I was the induction scheduled for 10pm as they seemed to have stuck on that detail.
They asked me if I had a choice in rooms as only one was occupied and I picked one of the ones with the new spa shower. I was put into what I believe, was the same room that Skadi was born in. Some renovations had been done since she was born, but the location was right and the direction the room faced was right. It was a happy day!
They put me on the monitors and Olivia was my nurse for just a few hours until shift change - Olivia was my nurse with Skadi too. It was noted that no, I was not contracting, but baby was moving well, had steady heartrate and was not in distress. I was put on a penicillin IV ordered for every four hours until delivery because I was Group B Strep positive.
Once they got the first dose of penicillin in me and determined the baby was doing good, I was released to walk the halls. And here we were, same as with Skadi, walking the halls. Only with her we got to watch the sunrise... not the sunset. It was quiet in the birthing center and we cruised the halls. Only a few contractions here and there.
We ate dinner and hung out, walked and waited until Dr. M would call in again for an update and instruct on the path forward at 10pm.
At 10pm he called in and ordered the induction that was initially scheduled for 10pm - same path forward, two doses of Cytotec each 5 hours apart and then start Pitocin at 7am given that I was not having any contractions.
At 11pm my nurse Shana brought in the first dose of Cytotec and AB laid down to try and sleep. I did the same. I was able to successfully sleep some for the first couple hours. The contractions that started in those first few hours were enough that I noticed them, but not enough that I couldn't sleep through them either. Until 3am.
At 3am I was fully awake and having strong contractions. I told myself to let AB sleep and to just go with the contractions for the next hour until they brought in my next dose of Cytotec.
That was THE longest 45 minutes of my life. The contractions were coming pretty strong, very regular and I found myself holding onto the bed rails and counting while breathing to get through them. Finally I woke AB up and asked him to go get the nurse.
Shana came in, checked my cervix and got ready to go call Dr. M to let him know I was contracting hard, should she administer the next dose of Cytotec? I was positive that I was likely at least 5-6 cm by now.
2 cm.
TWO freaking centimeters.
I was so sad and frustrated. I remember with Leif and Skadi being 5 cm before insisting on an epidural. And here I was at two centimeters begging for pain relief.
My nurse came back with news from Dr. M. I could have either IV pain relief or an epidural. Skip the next dose of Cytotec and pitocin at 7am to get me dilated.
I reasoned out with the nurse that I wanted the IV pain relief instead of the epidural at this point because at only 2 cm I didn't want to be hooked up to an epidural that entire time. AB helped me get up and go to the restroom, which was a horribly difficult trip. I got back and the IV was started.
Shana told me that the pain would not go away, but just take the edge off. I could have two doses - one 100% dose, of which she only wanted to give me half to start to see how I tolerated it as she had prior patients react poorly mentally to it. As she put it, "it gets into your head".
I tolerated it well. I can't describe the feeling now - 1.5 weeks later - but "getting into your head" was a good descriptor. The second dose would be an 80% dose and she warned me it wouldn't last as long. I remember asking how long I would feel better and she said 45-60 minutes for the first dose.
I was able to relax some, she was right, just the edge of the pain was taken off. The contractions were still strong, I still clung to the bed rails, counted and breathed hard. But it wasn't as bad as it had been.
60 minutes flew by and suddenly I was begging for the second dose.
She was right, it didn't work nearly as well the second time around and by 30 minutes in I was begging for the epidural and this time I was serious. Get it here. Now.
It was about 5:30am and AB helped me head to the bathroom while I waited for the epidural. Once there I felt like I was going to throw up. Shana came in and said, "she can't be in transition yet, but I want to check her once she gets back".
And upon checking me she started panicking. Ok, actually she was very calm. But you know that kind of fake calm that comes over people? She started moving very quickly.
7 Centimeters.
"You went from 2 to 7 centimeters in 1.5 hours," she gasped!
She "walked quickly" to the door and yelled down the hall to the nurses station:
"Call Dr. Morrison, April is 7 cm in 1.5 hours and get an epidural here NOW!"
Suddenly AB was wide awake and next to me helping with the contractions. Nurses were in and out. And that epidural took his time.
Finally Dr. Epidural arrived, sauntered in slowly and decided to go through a list of questions with me whereby he politely stopped asking questions for each and every freaking contraction.
Shana stepped it up.
"Dr. Epidural sir, no disrespect, but she went from 2 to 7 centimeters in record time and we need to get this moving," she said.
He was surprisingly dismissive of her (in my opinion) and went about his very slow movements.
I have never, in all three of my labors, wanted to yell at anyone... except him. I wanted to scream and yell at him. I recalled seeing a thing on TV whereby an anesthesiologist had gotten a kidney stone and after that experience said that he never dilly dallied on getting a woman an epidural.
I wished kidney stones on him.
I sat on the edge of the bed with my arms around AB contracting every few minutes waiting and waiting for Dr. Slow Epidural to get a move on. I recalled with my other two nearly immediate relief after the epidural. Not this time around. I think I had another 4-5 contractions before feeling relief. Once I felt relief I just wanted Dr. Slow Epidural to leave he annoyed me so much.
Shana checked me again and announced 8 cm and "where is Dr. M!" She yelled down the hall, you guys did call him didn't you? She is 8cm!
Suddenly the room was being set up for delivery and nurses were in and out. But no Dr. M.
Finally someone announced that he was in the hospital. And a huge glow emanated in my life.
The epidural was eh. It was working very well, I could hardly feel contractions, but my right leg was like a lead weight and my left was only slightly better. With my other two I could still feel contractions and move my legs. This one, not as good. Dr. Slow Epidural was still on my shit list.
With Skadi I had the "floppy cervix", whereby it seemed dilated because it was "floppy", but not all the way. They kept saying I was right there, just one little lip of the cervix, and talk that they could almost just nudge it into place. So for all the racing, we were left sitting and waiting. But at least I couldn't feel anything!
Finally the nurse suggested we do a couple of test pushes. Success. I pushed the baby moved down. Suddenly everyone was in place and ready for a baby.
Push #1 - there's the head crowning - they brought the mirror over so I could see.
Push #2 - the head was born.
Push #3 - the body was born at 8:21am
(This is a significant time. My mother was born at 6:21 am, my sister, I believe, at 6:21am. I was born at 11:21pm, Leif was born at 1:21pm, and now Silas at 8:21am. Skadi - in her quest to be different - was born at 1:59pm.)
Suddenly there was this little being on my chest and I was trying to get a good look at him.
Then suddenly he was snatched off my chest, taken over to the area where they work on the babies and loads of commotion. I knew he wasn't breathing. He was pinkish, not blue from what I could see, but they said he was "holding his breath". Once on oxygen he was pink, but taking him off oxygen he was not sustaining respiration.
They unsnapped everything and within minutes were out the door running him down to the nursery. I yelled at AB to go with him. It was obvious he felt torn as he saw my tears and his son being wheeled away.
Then I was sitting there by myself with Dr. M reassuring me. I knew one of his children had been born with issues causing her to be whisked away, so he continued to tell me about her and about how things are just fine. He is in good hands. We talked about how we both agree that hospital births are best - he said it scares him to death when people opt for a home birth and what happens when a baby like mine is born who is having trouble.
I kept wondering what he looked like, how much he weighed, how long he was.
AB popped in a few minutes later to tell me he was breathing, everything was going to be fine. I sent him back with a camera. Get pictures, I told him. I needed to see pictures.
I sat there and sobbed.
AB came back and asked if he could give him formula? Of course, I barked! Get back there! But also get back here. And leave the camera here! And yes, I am sobbing, but it is because Dr. Slow Epidural gave me too much epidural and I can't move my legs and they think it will be a few hours before I can get up and get down to see him.
We talked briefly about names. AB had narrowed it down to Roan and Silas from our somewhat extensive list. (Since this is our last baby, no chance of recycling names, our list is here: Espen (was AB's lead most of the pregnancy), Silas (my lead most of the pregnancy), Roan (the dark horse that popped up at the last minute), Sven, Viggo, Rafe, Anders, Tait, Beck and Knut). But I was pretty insistent that I see him before going with a name.
AB went back to give him formula. He did that and they were getting ready to wheel him back when suddenly they changed their mind. And Silas would remain in the special care nursery for the next 4 nights.
40 Weeks 2 days
Wait a second... didn't everyone bet against this? I was supposed to go early! One professional bet was even for labor around 32 weeks. Why then, was I still hanging out after my due date?
As normal for my body (if two data points can show a trend), I should have expected this. I was 41 weeks with Leif, 40 weeks 3 days with Skadi. Never dilated with either of them. Carried high until the end when the spontaneously dropped.
Why should this one be different?
On Monday, April 8th I went and saw Dr. M. He checked me, noted no increase in dilation, expressed concern and we scheduled the induction to start at 10pm.
AB and I went out to lunch at Bookwalter, he contemplated going back to work but for some reason decided to hang out with me at home and we went back to the house. I tried to sleep on the couch, but couldn't get comfortable while he watched TV. Watching the minutes tick down to the 10 pm induction was painful.
We had arranged "just in case" to have the kids ride a different bus home where they would be met by a number of families we are close to. We called them and said that AB would come down and retrieve kids, we would have dinner, then the kids would go back to a friend's house at about 8pm, where we would put them to bed there and then head to the hospital.
I tossed and turned on the couch and finally announced that I was going to go lay down in the bed upstairs. I swung my feet around and felt warmth.
My water broke. Or did it. Did I just totally wet my pants, I mean there wasn't a "pop" like with Skadi - and didn't they say I had like a gallon of amniotic fluid in there. Dang it. I got up and over to the kitchen tile.
Gush.
My water broke.
As normal for my body (if two data points can show a trend), I should have expected this. I was 41 weeks with Leif, 40 weeks 3 days with Skadi. Never dilated with either of them. Carried high until the end when the spontaneously dropped.
Why should this one be different?
On Monday, April 8th I went and saw Dr. M. He checked me, noted no increase in dilation, expressed concern and we scheduled the induction to start at 10pm.
AB and I went out to lunch at Bookwalter, he contemplated going back to work but for some reason decided to hang out with me at home and we went back to the house. I tried to sleep on the couch, but couldn't get comfortable while he watched TV. Watching the minutes tick down to the 10 pm induction was painful.
We had arranged "just in case" to have the kids ride a different bus home where they would be met by a number of families we are close to. We called them and said that AB would come down and retrieve kids, we would have dinner, then the kids would go back to a friend's house at about 8pm, where we would put them to bed there and then head to the hospital.
I tossed and turned on the couch and finally announced that I was going to go lay down in the bed upstairs. I swung my feet around and felt warmth.
My water broke. Or did it. Did I just totally wet my pants, I mean there wasn't a "pop" like with Skadi - and didn't they say I had like a gallon of amniotic fluid in there. Dang it. I got up and over to the kitchen tile.
Gush.
My water broke.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Staring down 40 weeks
This week has been a hard one. Fielding two active kids on Spring Break at 39 weeks pregnant - not so much fun! At least they are at the point in life where their expectations of Spring Break are relatively low. And honestly, Leif would rather spend the week at home (playing anything electronic, or lately, reading). Skadi on the other hand - STIR CRAZY. AB stayed home Thursday to help me - which really was wonderful, even if it means he will have less time home with me and the baby after he arrives. (I say this now...)
I had originally had an appointment scheduled for Tuesday morning, but Dr. M had to cancel as he was in a complicated delivery. I was rescheduled to today, April 5th, 39 weeks 6 days. I was starting to get a little nervous going so long between appointments at such a late point in the pregnancy.
It was a nice, relaxed appointment today though as AB was there and Dr. M had few patients scheduled since he only normally works Tuesday and Wednesdays. So we took the time to sit and talk about options.
I went in expecting to be sent in for an induction. But he really left it up to me. How do I feel - am I going absolutely stir crazy, how is my frame of mind, how is the baby doing? We decided to take into consideration a number of factors and tests to decide the path forward (not surprising for me as a scientist - I need data).
First step - bp and weight. BP was 102/68 (shockingly low at this late point) and no weight gain since last week.
Second step - Office exam, measuring right at 40 weeks (again), head down, and cervix check. My cervix is still very high (ouchie mama that exam was not fun). 1 cm dilated (still), but effaced and cervix is soft. Contractions are doing something if at least slowly. I have never dilated easily, so this is an accomplishment for me.
Third step - Mental. Yes, I am tired. But it is only a few days to try and give him more time to come on his own. I can do that. I am strong. I don't feel like a number of those women I have heard crying and begging for an induction. When it comes down to it, I am happy, a little weepy (stupid emotional commercials), a little hot headed when people constantly barage me with "how are you doing" or stupid questions that don't help the situation or offer their advice. I don't want a c-section. AB doesn't have the time off to help me recover from a c-section and I know I can deliver vaginally. An induction comes with an increased risk of c-section and since my cervix is just barely ready if it really is (I actually am not completely sure, but Dr. M has concerns about inducing and I trust him), this concerns me.
Fourth step - Family Birthing Center. Non-stress test showed (not surprising to AB and I) one extremely active baby. No significant contractions going on, regular heart rate with typical accelerations. Ultrasound was aimed to assess fluid levels (my fluids have been high to this point, but we don't want low fluids), and fetal size. They also do a sort of non-stress ultrasound for the baby where they count inhalations, back arching and hand flexing. Hand flexing passed with flying colors as we watched him play with the umbilical cord. Inhalations passed well as did the back arching. Fluid levels were normal and fetal size was determined to be "average". The measurement comes with a +/- 1.5 lbs error, but he was assessed at 8.5 lbs +/- 1.5 lbs.
Given all this combined the baby is not at risk, my mental state is sound, fluids are good, no concerns for size (I suppose...), we decided not to induce today and I was released from the hospital. We opted to try to give it over the weekend to go into labor. If that doesn't happen then we reassess Monday morning.
As AB and I left the birthing center he said, "I have such good memories of this place and am excited to be back." We have had nothing but fabulous, caring nurses, a great ob that prefers low intervention routes.
So there, that is the news. Don't feel slighted if I don't respond to incessant inquiries about how I am doing, respond to questions that call into question my doctor's and our decisions, or pay attention to everyone's suggestions about what I can do to trigger labor. I am frankly tired of ongoing contractions and worn out and sore from waking up in the morning after a long night with hour long sets of contractions that fizzle out. I prefer to give the baby every opportunity to come naturally and thus increase my chances of a third successful vaginal birth. (Yes, really, I have been here before, I am not a newbie!)
I had originally had an appointment scheduled for Tuesday morning, but Dr. M had to cancel as he was in a complicated delivery. I was rescheduled to today, April 5th, 39 weeks 6 days. I was starting to get a little nervous going so long between appointments at such a late point in the pregnancy.
It was a nice, relaxed appointment today though as AB was there and Dr. M had few patients scheduled since he only normally works Tuesday and Wednesdays. So we took the time to sit and talk about options.
I went in expecting to be sent in for an induction. But he really left it up to me. How do I feel - am I going absolutely stir crazy, how is my frame of mind, how is the baby doing? We decided to take into consideration a number of factors and tests to decide the path forward (not surprising for me as a scientist - I need data).
First step - bp and weight. BP was 102/68 (shockingly low at this late point) and no weight gain since last week.
Second step - Office exam, measuring right at 40 weeks (again), head down, and cervix check. My cervix is still very high (ouchie mama that exam was not fun). 1 cm dilated (still), but effaced and cervix is soft. Contractions are doing something if at least slowly. I have never dilated easily, so this is an accomplishment for me.
Third step - Mental. Yes, I am tired. But it is only a few days to try and give him more time to come on his own. I can do that. I am strong. I don't feel like a number of those women I have heard crying and begging for an induction. When it comes down to it, I am happy, a little weepy (stupid emotional commercials), a little hot headed when people constantly barage me with "how are you doing" or stupid questions that don't help the situation or offer their advice. I don't want a c-section. AB doesn't have the time off to help me recover from a c-section and I know I can deliver vaginally. An induction comes with an increased risk of c-section and since my cervix is just barely ready if it really is (I actually am not completely sure, but Dr. M has concerns about inducing and I trust him), this concerns me.
Fourth step - Family Birthing Center. Non-stress test showed (not surprising to AB and I) one extremely active baby. No significant contractions going on, regular heart rate with typical accelerations. Ultrasound was aimed to assess fluid levels (my fluids have been high to this point, but we don't want low fluids), and fetal size. They also do a sort of non-stress ultrasound for the baby where they count inhalations, back arching and hand flexing. Hand flexing passed with flying colors as we watched him play with the umbilical cord. Inhalations passed well as did the back arching. Fluid levels were normal and fetal size was determined to be "average". The measurement comes with a +/- 1.5 lbs error, but he was assessed at 8.5 lbs +/- 1.5 lbs.
Given all this combined the baby is not at risk, my mental state is sound, fluids are good, no concerns for size (I suppose...), we decided not to induce today and I was released from the hospital. We opted to try to give it over the weekend to go into labor. If that doesn't happen then we reassess Monday morning.
As AB and I left the birthing center he said, "I have such good memories of this place and am excited to be back." We have had nothing but fabulous, caring nurses, a great ob that prefers low intervention routes.
So there, that is the news. Don't feel slighted if I don't respond to incessant inquiries about how I am doing, respond to questions that call into question my doctor's and our decisions, or pay attention to everyone's suggestions about what I can do to trigger labor. I am frankly tired of ongoing contractions and worn out and sore from waking up in the morning after a long night with hour long sets of contractions that fizzle out. I prefer to give the baby every opportunity to come naturally and thus increase my chances of a third successful vaginal birth. (Yes, really, I have been here before, I am not a newbie!)
Monday, April 1, 2013
The last week
Tired. Exhausted. Thankful. Somewhat relaxing...
I actually didn't think I would see 39 weeks. The high risk doc thought I would be in labor around week 32, my ob was betting on week 38. And here I am week 39, day 2.
I am doing ok. I don't mind so much these last few days. But I didn't realize how hard Spring Break was going to be with two kids home going stir crazy.
What is really getting me is the on and off again contractions. Sometimes I can just feel them and they are annoying. Other times (most often) they are a bit stronger and make me pause what I am doing while I wait for that 45-60 seconds to pass, then move on about my business until another one strikes. More rarely they are actually painful painful and make me wonder if this is it. But those ones usually aren't the ones that are regular. The mild to moderate ones are regular.
I guess if the harder ones were regular, I wouldn't be here.
I told my ob that he would flip from being transverse to head down - I was right. I told him I would go into labor despite the baby being so high - I did with Leif after all. But as AB pointed out I was also 41 weeks exactly and there was no fluid left. This baby is different. (As they all are.)
What I hadn't expected, which I have heard people say before, is how exahausting the off/on contractions are. I hate leaving the house because I don't know where I am going to get stuck having moderate contractions. And well, I hate leaving the house because I kind of just want to hibernate in even though it is spring. So I have spent much of my time the last two weeks in the house - which is amazingly getting somewhat picked up and organized.
Everyone has wonderful advice - I have heard from a few people to eat pineapple. And I would. I would chow down on pineapple and grapefruit if my heartburn weren't wrecking such havoc. This child has to have uber-long hair. I am on both a prescription medication as well as Tums 2-3 times a day in some effort to reign in the heartburn. So no pineapple for me.
Red raspberry leaf tea. Umm hmm.
Walking - well if I weren't having such horrible sciatica/PGP that makes it near impossible for me to even walk to my kitchen on a regular basis and occasionally requiring me to get my husband's help to even go to the restroom, then yes, I would be walking (as I did with the other two).
I guess I don't have a whole lot of faith in all the home options to get labor going since I did these with my other two and they were both "overdue".
Tomorrow I go into my ob's office - an appointment I thought I wouldn't see! And I expect to get the dreaded induction appointment. I am fine with that. I had to be induced with Skadi as my water broke, my contractions were going nowhere, she was shoulder presentation and it was a last ditch effort before succumbing to c-section. It worked and I had a good labor and delivery. I am not a granola birther... give me the drugs, I want a pleasant awake experience witnessing my children coming into the world.
I actually didn't think I would see 39 weeks. The high risk doc thought I would be in labor around week 32, my ob was betting on week 38. And here I am week 39, day 2.
I am doing ok. I don't mind so much these last few days. But I didn't realize how hard Spring Break was going to be with two kids home going stir crazy.
What is really getting me is the on and off again contractions. Sometimes I can just feel them and they are annoying. Other times (most often) they are a bit stronger and make me pause what I am doing while I wait for that 45-60 seconds to pass, then move on about my business until another one strikes. More rarely they are actually painful painful and make me wonder if this is it. But those ones usually aren't the ones that are regular. The mild to moderate ones are regular.
I guess if the harder ones were regular, I wouldn't be here.
I told my ob that he would flip from being transverse to head down - I was right. I told him I would go into labor despite the baby being so high - I did with Leif after all. But as AB pointed out I was also 41 weeks exactly and there was no fluid left. This baby is different. (As they all are.)
What I hadn't expected, which I have heard people say before, is how exahausting the off/on contractions are. I hate leaving the house because I don't know where I am going to get stuck having moderate contractions. And well, I hate leaving the house because I kind of just want to hibernate in even though it is spring. So I have spent much of my time the last two weeks in the house - which is amazingly getting somewhat picked up and organized.
Everyone has wonderful advice - I have heard from a few people to eat pineapple. And I would. I would chow down on pineapple and grapefruit if my heartburn weren't wrecking such havoc. This child has to have uber-long hair. I am on both a prescription medication as well as Tums 2-3 times a day in some effort to reign in the heartburn. So no pineapple for me.
Red raspberry leaf tea. Umm hmm.
Walking - well if I weren't having such horrible sciatica/PGP that makes it near impossible for me to even walk to my kitchen on a regular basis and occasionally requiring me to get my husband's help to even go to the restroom, then yes, I would be walking (as I did with the other two).
I guess I don't have a whole lot of faith in all the home options to get labor going since I did these with my other two and they were both "overdue".
Tomorrow I go into my ob's office - an appointment I thought I wouldn't see! And I expect to get the dreaded induction appointment. I am fine with that. I had to be induced with Skadi as my water broke, my contractions were going nowhere, she was shoulder presentation and it was a last ditch effort before succumbing to c-section. It worked and I had a good labor and delivery. I am not a granola birther... give me the drugs, I want a pleasant awake experience witnessing my children coming into the world.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
March 26, 38 weeks 3 days
Well I made it past my milestones! This baby will NOT share a birthday with his sister!
Skadi kept saying it would be the best present ever, but AB and I were pretty sure that would not be the case. Phew.
My days seem to be sinusoidal. One day will be fabulous and I will have a ton of energy. The next full of aches, pains, contractions and not feeling great. Certain that labor is just around the corner. Then the contractions peter off and I have a comfortable day following.
Sunday my tailbone started aching and sitting became uncomfortable. Within about an hour I was unable to walk by myself and had to rely on AB to get me anywhere in the house. Right off the bat - paranoia - was the baby ok? What if the kids needed me? What if I could not get to them? Should I let AB go to work in the morning?
AB's concerns were similar - was the baby ok? Should I go to work? Are you sure they aren't contractions?
Appears this isn't completely unheard of and is simply termed "Pelvic Girdle Pain" by some. It can happen when the baby drops (and I think he has dropped - my heartburn is pretty well gone) in combination with nerve pain/overuse (i.e., being too active). I tried Tylenol to no avail. Had a good night's sleep and the extreme pain had pretty well gone away Monday morning. At least I was able to move myself around unassisted.
I didn't dare walk the kids down to the bus stop (but watched them at the stop from the window). I also didn't dare drive as I was worried my legs wouldn't respond appropriately. I am feeling more confident on my feet this morning - 36 hrs later. But I doubt I will be walking the halls during labor like I did with Skadi.
We are still struggling with names believe it or not. I told AB last night that I wish a new name would pop up that would really trump the other three. The three we have selected are good names, I would be happy with any of the three, but none really blows me away. I have my favorite of the three (and for the record, Leif sides with me). AB has his favorite of the three. Mine is the non-Scandinavian name, though it appears on the Norwegian popularity chart and sounds as though it goes with my kids' names. The other two are typical Scandinavian boy names. A few that had been on the list of 10 maybe popped back up last night. But none of the names are really popping for AB and me.
Emotions. Oh my goodness out of control. The other week at Leif's parent teacher conference his teacher told us about how Leif had really latched onto a book about a boy writing poetry (we knew something had triggered this as he has been writing poetry, and it is surprisingly good). But the muse for writing poetry in the book was the boy's dog being hit by a car.
Oh my goodness tears. Uncontrollable. His teacher felt so bad!
But stupid sentimental commercials get me. Thinking about my mom gets me. Thinking about my grandma gets me. I seem to be just an emotional mess lately!
So back to my ob tomorrow for my 38 week appointment.
Skadi kept saying it would be the best present ever, but AB and I were pretty sure that would not be the case. Phew.
My days seem to be sinusoidal. One day will be fabulous and I will have a ton of energy. The next full of aches, pains, contractions and not feeling great. Certain that labor is just around the corner. Then the contractions peter off and I have a comfortable day following.
Sunday my tailbone started aching and sitting became uncomfortable. Within about an hour I was unable to walk by myself and had to rely on AB to get me anywhere in the house. Right off the bat - paranoia - was the baby ok? What if the kids needed me? What if I could not get to them? Should I let AB go to work in the morning?
AB's concerns were similar - was the baby ok? Should I go to work? Are you sure they aren't contractions?
Appears this isn't completely unheard of and is simply termed "Pelvic Girdle Pain" by some. It can happen when the baby drops (and I think he has dropped - my heartburn is pretty well gone) in combination with nerve pain/overuse (i.e., being too active). I tried Tylenol to no avail. Had a good night's sleep and the extreme pain had pretty well gone away Monday morning. At least I was able to move myself around unassisted.
I didn't dare walk the kids down to the bus stop (but watched them at the stop from the window). I also didn't dare drive as I was worried my legs wouldn't respond appropriately. I am feeling more confident on my feet this morning - 36 hrs later. But I doubt I will be walking the halls during labor like I did with Skadi.
We are still struggling with names believe it or not. I told AB last night that I wish a new name would pop up that would really trump the other three. The three we have selected are good names, I would be happy with any of the three, but none really blows me away. I have my favorite of the three (and for the record, Leif sides with me). AB has his favorite of the three. Mine is the non-Scandinavian name, though it appears on the Norwegian popularity chart and sounds as though it goes with my kids' names. The other two are typical Scandinavian boy names. A few that had been on the list of 10 maybe popped back up last night. But none of the names are really popping for AB and me.
Emotions. Oh my goodness out of control. The other week at Leif's parent teacher conference his teacher told us about how Leif had really latched onto a book about a boy writing poetry (we knew something had triggered this as he has been writing poetry, and it is surprisingly good). But the muse for writing poetry in the book was the boy's dog being hit by a car.
Oh my goodness tears. Uncontrollable. His teacher felt so bad!
But stupid sentimental commercials get me. Thinking about my mom gets me. Thinking about my grandma gets me. I seem to be just an emotional mess lately!
So back to my ob tomorrow for my 38 week appointment.
Friday, March 22, 2013
37 Week Appt
Well I officially know now what a mucus plug looks like. Nasty stuff. But mine? Gone.
The 37 week appointment was a good one for the most part. The baby is still head down. I was given the choice whether I wanted Dr. M to check me or not and I decided maybe I was curious if those contractions have been doing anything at all. Baby is high - as usual, neither of my other two dropped until I was in active labor - but lo and behold I was dilated about a centimeter.
I wasn't "green as a gourd"! Those contractions ARE working!
Dr. M thinks I will probably make it to the next appointment, but maybe not. He thinks labor will happen in the next week or two - maybe week to 10 days. Prediction is an averaged size baby, about the same as Leif and Skadi (7 lbs 8 oz and 7 lbs 15 oz respectively).
A few mild concerns. 6 lbs of weight gain in a week, well that is obviously water weight as apparent by my feet and calves and the fact that no one gains 6 lbs in a week. But also my blood pressure was "borderline". My systolic was 140!! I have never in my entire life had high or even borderline blood pressure. That is high, but my diastolic was 70, so I was called borderline.
I have been having a lot of soreness and random contractions, so I bravely asked him to write me out of work. But give me two more days to finish wrapping things up. So as of the day I write this - 37 weeks 6 days, Friday the 22nd, I am officially off of work.
And THAT is what is freaking me out.
I can birth a baby. I can care for a newborn. No problem.
Not work for the next 8-10 weeks? Freaking the crap out of me. I have a few control issues.
And I have such varying responses from the people I work with it honestly doesn't help. One guy I have worked on the Navy project with for 5 years told me a few weeks ago:
KR: "seriously you are going to go out on leave and come back and we are all going to think 'you're back already'?"
His tune was only slightly changed yesterday.
KR: "I can call you, right? Cause I guarantee I am going to be calling you."
Then he made me promise to spend at least 15 minutes just sitting on my couch doing nothing for him. He has twin 2 year olds and an 8 week old at home and said he would pay money to just sit.
Then there is the other guy I work with a lot lately in multiple capacities, PM and co-PI. GE has been in denial about the pregnancy. Completely.
Yesterday I entertained multiple e-mail communications from him of a panicked sort. Him? Not so happy about my absence, but finally sent a note saying they would "muddle through".
I truly do trust everyone I work with and they are some incredibly intelligent people. I am lucky. I love my job right now, I have confidence in what I do, others have confidence in me and I see my career on a good trajectory. It is probably that the baby isn't here yet, but not flipping on my e-mail and responding is taking everything I have within me right now.
The 37 week appointment was a good one for the most part. The baby is still head down. I was given the choice whether I wanted Dr. M to check me or not and I decided maybe I was curious if those contractions have been doing anything at all. Baby is high - as usual, neither of my other two dropped until I was in active labor - but lo and behold I was dilated about a centimeter.
I wasn't "green as a gourd"! Those contractions ARE working!
Dr. M thinks I will probably make it to the next appointment, but maybe not. He thinks labor will happen in the next week or two - maybe week to 10 days. Prediction is an averaged size baby, about the same as Leif and Skadi (7 lbs 8 oz and 7 lbs 15 oz respectively).
A few mild concerns. 6 lbs of weight gain in a week, well that is obviously water weight as apparent by my feet and calves and the fact that no one gains 6 lbs in a week. But also my blood pressure was "borderline". My systolic was 140!! I have never in my entire life had high or even borderline blood pressure. That is high, but my diastolic was 70, so I was called borderline.
I have been having a lot of soreness and random contractions, so I bravely asked him to write me out of work. But give me two more days to finish wrapping things up. So as of the day I write this - 37 weeks 6 days, Friday the 22nd, I am officially off of work.
And THAT is what is freaking me out.
I can birth a baby. I can care for a newborn. No problem.
Not work for the next 8-10 weeks? Freaking the crap out of me. I have a few control issues.
And I have such varying responses from the people I work with it honestly doesn't help. One guy I have worked on the Navy project with for 5 years told me a few weeks ago:
KR: "seriously you are going to go out on leave and come back and we are all going to think 'you're back already'?"
His tune was only slightly changed yesterday.
KR: "I can call you, right? Cause I guarantee I am going to be calling you."
Then he made me promise to spend at least 15 minutes just sitting on my couch doing nothing for him. He has twin 2 year olds and an 8 week old at home and said he would pay money to just sit.
Then there is the other guy I work with a lot lately in multiple capacities, PM and co-PI. GE has been in denial about the pregnancy. Completely.
Yesterday I entertained multiple e-mail communications from him of a panicked sort. Him? Not so happy about my absence, but finally sent a note saying they would "muddle through".
I truly do trust everyone I work with and they are some incredibly intelligent people. I am lucky. I love my job right now, I have confidence in what I do, others have confidence in me and I see my career on a good trajectory. It is probably that the baby isn't here yet, but not flipping on my e-mail and responding is taking everything I have within me right now.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
36 week appointment 3/12
Another not terribly interesting appointment. I can't believe how soon the due date is sneaking up!
BP = 120/60
Weight Gain = +1 lb for a total of 17 lbs. (And proving that that last spurt of weight gain was all water.)
Baby is head down, but not dropped.
I seem to have random contractions. Yesterday, I was positive that the 6-8 min apart contractions were going to tighten up and we were going to head to the hospital. But nope. They ended up petering out in the early evening after plaguing me all day. And today, nothing. Like Sunday and Monday, nothing.
My doctor is estimating 2 more weeks. We will see. I am still measuring ahead.
I am worn out though, but I suspect that this largely has to do with work running me into the ground and not the pregnancy. The stress of work is starting to get to me and I am starting to get this attitude of "I really do not care anymore". Which is bad. I was given the lead (for my lab) on a large, multi-lab (6 total) venture proposal. It is very political external to our lab and I feel as though I am watching every single step I make. I am thrilled about this position and in a way, feel as though I am letting everything else suffer in the name of nurturing this proposal along. Thankfully on nearly everything else I have people willing to pick up after me.
If I can just get this draft proposal out the door and hopefully have a second telecon with the team at large... that is the goal. Make it through Wednesday of next week.
We went and registered at the hospital last Friday and took the kids on a tour of the birthing center. The poor nurse who gave us the tour though - my kids had loads of questions. What is this for? What is that for? Why is the baby holder there in this room and it was out in the other room? Can you roll out the couch so we can see the bed? I think they enjoyed it.
Skadi keeps asking if I have scheduled the day the baby is coming yet. I keep telling her that there isn't any scheduling, the baby comes when he wants to come. I don't think she believes me.
Skadi is very engaged with the whole baby thing and loves to hug and love on my belly. Leif is seeming more indifferent.
I loved this picture Skadi drew:
BP = 120/60
Weight Gain = +1 lb for a total of 17 lbs. (And proving that that last spurt of weight gain was all water.)
Baby is head down, but not dropped.
I seem to have random contractions. Yesterday, I was positive that the 6-8 min apart contractions were going to tighten up and we were going to head to the hospital. But nope. They ended up petering out in the early evening after plaguing me all day. And today, nothing. Like Sunday and Monday, nothing.
My doctor is estimating 2 more weeks. We will see. I am still measuring ahead.
I am worn out though, but I suspect that this largely has to do with work running me into the ground and not the pregnancy. The stress of work is starting to get to me and I am starting to get this attitude of "I really do not care anymore". Which is bad. I was given the lead (for my lab) on a large, multi-lab (6 total) venture proposal. It is very political external to our lab and I feel as though I am watching every single step I make. I am thrilled about this position and in a way, feel as though I am letting everything else suffer in the name of nurturing this proposal along. Thankfully on nearly everything else I have people willing to pick up after me.
If I can just get this draft proposal out the door and hopefully have a second telecon with the team at large... that is the goal. Make it through Wednesday of next week.
We went and registered at the hospital last Friday and took the kids on a tour of the birthing center. The poor nurse who gave us the tour though - my kids had loads of questions. What is this for? What is that for? Why is the baby holder there in this room and it was out in the other room? Can you roll out the couch so we can see the bed? I think they enjoyed it.
Skadi keeps asking if I have scheduled the day the baby is coming yet. I keep telling her that there isn't any scheduling, the baby comes when he wants to come. I don't think she believes me.
Skadi is very engaged with the whole baby thing and loves to hug and love on my belly. Leif is seeming more indifferent.
I loved this picture Skadi drew:
Thursday, February 28, 2013
34 Week Appointment
Pretty blah appointment actually. It was extremely fast. My ob looked like he had just been to the war and back and I really wanted to tell him to cancel the rest of the day and go home and sleep. Or hand him my latte and tell him he actually needed it a whole lot more than I do. Anyways, it was bad enough that I was glad he takes extensive notes because I am not sure he would remember seeing me, especially since at one point he called me by the wrong name. And we know each other – we run in similar social circles and when we see each other at the Court Club, he always remembers us by name.
Let’s see – baby is 50th percentile. Great. Amniotic fluid is at a “normal” level – which he was skeptical about especially given that I am still measuring 2 weeks ahead. He thinks it was an artifact of not having a high res ultrasound. He explained how the measurements are taken in each of the four quadrants, but if you see cord in any of the three quadrants, you don’t use that quadrant’s measurement. Well you don’t have to be a statistician to see that can cause major problems in measurements. He suspects that my fluid is still high, but not crazy high. So for now we are just going to go forward calling everything normal.
Baby was head down, but not engaged, he is “floating”. I could have told him this. He swaps positions all the time. I usually wake up with him transverse and throughout the day he switches head down. The other night I swear he was doing somersaults while *I* was trying to sleep.
We talked about my crazy heartburn, but he felt that by the time we got me switched over to one of the other meds for that and it kicked in (since the drugs a step up are a more cumulative effect type of thing), I will have birthed. Talked about the contractions. I had one hefty one this morning that did the full on start in the back and radiate around my sides to my belly and lasted for 60 seconds while I gasped and tried not to make a huge deal out of it as I leaned on the counter in front of the kids. Only a few mild contractions after that and none but the usual Braxton Hicks on occasion since then.
I am under direct orders not to show my face at my next appointment until I have registered at the hospital. My day is open on Friday… maybe I will do lunch with my husband and run and do that then.
Heart rate was 130-140 bpm.
Weight gain – oh my. I am convinced it is a ton of water weight though. Suddenly my rings had to come off, my hands have swollen and my feet are swollen. But then again it may be indicative of my desire to actually eat again. Ok, the number. I am up a total of 16 lbs now. So I think that puts me at a weight gain of 5 lbs in TWO weeks!! ACK!
BP: 124/76
I think I am finally feeling like this IS going to happen soon. We talked to the kids about it the other night. Explaining that they will have to go and stay with our friends. If history holds true for me, it will be in the middle of the night. We will have a bag for the kids and their sleeping bags and drop them at one of our friends’ house. Leif’s big concern was what happens after 5am? Hans and I sat there and pondered what he was asking. Finally he explained that he was concerned about what happens if dad has already gone to work (at 5am) and mom goes into labor then. What is he supposed to do? I think we worked out that it won’t be a big deal, the baby doesn’t just come spraying out, there will be time for me to get them to a friend's house and dad to come get me or something. (I hope.)
I have some things to clear up at work. One report I need to get out the door. A few monthly and quarterly reports I need to write or at least outline for my replacements. Things should be pretty good there. I do have a delegate replacement and she cracked me up after one of our meetings yesterday. “You will be able to talk on the phone when we need, right?” she asked. “Of course!” I exclaimed. “Good,” she said, “because you might think everything is going to be easy and smooth, but he is going to flip out at least once without you here. You know he completely relies on you.”
Good to know I am needed.
I met with my HR department straight after my appointment today and all was as expected. No surprises there. I am hoping to be able to be out on leave through the end of the school year… though not sure that will actually happen for a few reasons (possibility of birthing well before due date, potential of husband on furlough – nice to have him there at home with us, not nice for both of us to not be receiving paycheck if I take unpaid FMLA to cover that time… ).
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Update 33 weeks 5 days
I am closing in on the 34 week mark and looking forward to my next prenatal. The ultrasound last week went well, but it is always interesting how some techs inspire confidence and others… just don’t.
She was nice and all, but seemed more focused on getting us good pictures of the face and feet on her non-high res ultrasound machine (believe me I have good ultrasound pictures from a high res machine) then getting good measurements of fluid and baby. Anyways, that didn’t inspire confidence in the scientist side of me. She said fluid levels were “about normal” and baby was about 4 lbs 13 oz (I saw the four measurements - they oscillated between 3 lbs 12 oz and 5 lbs 4 oz - also little confidence there), which is almost a half-pound over normal for 33 weeks. At the ultrasound he was head down, but he seems to swing between transverse and head down pretty regularly. I routinely wake up in the morning with a VERY transverse baby sticking out on both sides and sometime during the day he switches to head down. So I don’t know if it is my sleeping position that is prompting the transverse swap or what. Either way, I am not terribly concerned about it, he seems to routinely go to that head down position, so I suspect at some point he will go there and stay.
The nursery is about 90% done. Painted, nearly set up except for the crib – which needs a bit of work. And I need to clear out the closet and the many Rubbermaid bins scattered all over the floor. I have washed 80% of the stuff that needs washed. Nearly everything 0-9 mos has been washed and sorted into dresser drawers. Everything 12 mos and up is sorted into Rubbermaid bins that will be labeled and stacked in his cleaned out closet.
There are only a couple things - small things - I need to buy still. Basically a new hand pump (my old Avent Isis just looks nasty) and replacement pump parts for my electric. Neither is high on the “must have now” list.
Names… oh my. I don’t even know what to say. We had it narrowed down to #1 and #2. Then AB decided he wasn’t that into #1. I liked the name, but it was probably in reality my #2 name. It is amazing what this admission did… that poor name is nearly off our list now. The #2 name (the uber-popular non-Scandinavian name – uber-popular, in our world at least, means it made the top 300 boys’ names in the US in 2011) is now about top of the list and we have a whole other list of possible contenders including a couple that are a bit out there (thanks AB...). And don’t even get me started on middle names.
I mentioned the other day in Leif’s presence to someone that we didn’t have a name yet. Leif said, “I thought it was (insert prior #1 name)?” So maybe he does listen?
I have had a few people recently ask how I feel. I think I must be looking huge or something as I have had a few people jump on me about my plans and setting things in motion for my leave. With the last two kids I was just a peon working on projects for the most part. Taking 8 weeks off had little impact on what I was working. Not so this time around. Though one of my good friends and coworkers put it to me this way, “honestly, it may seem like 8-10 weeks is a long time to you, but it is going to fly by in the blink of an eye to us. Seriously you will be gone and then you will be back. Just like that!”
My role has changed at work in the last 5 years to Project Manager from Scientist. Which means I have responsibility for scope, schedule and budget of presently 6-7 projects. Not to mention that I have 9 proposals/white papers currently pending responses from potential clients who are likely sitting on their hands while we push through the current budget crisis. Anyways, it hasn’t been easy to find another me. In my reviews at work I am routinely hearing how my work is diverse - at first that was bad, now it is good. I am experiencing that right now – I have a number of really great people to tap, but I can hit each one with only one of the many diverse areas I am working in.
The other new aspect for me is that I actually lost out on the lead of a major program because of my pregnancy. And the managers weren’t shy about telling me, “I am sorry, but we need someone who can over the next 6 months nurture and care for this client since this relationship is already on the rocks.” I totally get it – I would say the same thing in their shoes. They had come to me and when I went to the meeting I could see their eyes bulge when they realized just how far along I was. But at the same time it bums me out a teensy bit to miss out on a big opportunity. One of the managers has made a few concessions to me – I can tell he feels bad about it. He has two things ready for me to lead in FY14… provided they get funded.
It’s the tradeoff being a professional working mom. A tradeoff I will deal with because while I really enjoy what I am doing right now at work, I love my family so much more.
So anyways, I started this section with how I feel. Honestly cruddy. I try not to complain and I try to remind myself how this is the last time I will feel a baby move within me and what a wonderful joy that is (even if times it brings tears to my eyes as he is whipping my insides into scrambled eggs). My back aches. I am having Braxton-Hicks contractions regularly and real contractions on occasion as well that stop me in my tracks and make me want to squeal. I never had these with my other two until I was in active labor. My heartburn is out of control and I have quit the pineapple and grapefruit for the most part. (And yes, we actually SAW hair on the last ultrasound – so the old wives tale is holding for me with three kids.) I am tired and grumpy. My appetite is actually returning. AB commented last night when I ate an entire meatball sandwich. I have spent 7 months basically picking at my food. This last week, food actually looks good again. Huge accomplishment!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
32 Week Appointment
I remember when I worked in the dermatologist’s office and we had those patients with everything in the world "wrong" with them and who whined and whined. I can only imagine that it is 1000x worse as an obstetrician. Plus, as an ob, you get the added bonus of seeing those patients every 1-2 weeks when they are wacky hormonal and ready to birth.
My ob admitted to AB and me the other day they call those women, “wimpy patients”.
Today there was a wimpy patient in the room next to me. She was young and there with her mom, who probably wasn’t much older than me. She sobbed and sobbed and cried out in pain on a regular basis. And since the walls are paper thin I got to hear all the details – she was tired of being pregnant and very sore all over. Dr. M had checked her cervix and she was not ready to delivery (as he used to state with me and my first two, “green as a gourd”). She begged and begged him to induce her. Over and over. About four times he told her that her body wasn’t ready, the baby isn’t ready just yet, you need to just sit tight, bad things can happen when you induce someone early for no reason. (She was almost 37 weeks.) He layed out the plan – about four times – she would come back in 10 days at which point he would check her again. If she was still insistent on being delivered he would plan to induce her at 39 weeks, but not a minute before then.
I really like my ob, if you haven’t picked that up before.
He came into my office looking haggard, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said, “it is so good to see you, you probably heard next door, you are a sight for sore eyes right now!” Throughout all of my pregnancies he has commended me on my strength, my willingness to roll with the punches and face things head on. (Not that I had much of that with the first two.)
“I don’t get it,” he says, “you have these girls who come in with beautifully normal, non-problematic pregnancies who just do not have the ability to deal. Then you get the women like yourself where there are actual issues to work through, and they do it with grace. You have grace.”
I know he was venting. But I was kind of sitting there going, “ne ner ne ner, our doctor said I have grace!”
Anyways, onto me.
Let’s see, BP = 112/78. Weight gain a total of 11 lbs for the pregnancy.
I went to L&D last Thursday. I was having very mild contractions. I knew they were mild. But they were sore and not going away when I layed down. I called the office and since my ob was still whopping it up in New Orleans for the Super Bowl, they sent me to the hospital for monitoring. Shortly after getting on the monitor they came back and told me I had a UTI and that was likely causing the contractions. After my full hour on the monitor (hello lovely reading time) and downing a huge glass of water, they sent me on my way with heavy duty antibiotics.
I told my ob I felt like a dork afterwards, in some ways I feel like I should have known that was what it was, except for the fact that I have actually never had a UTI! He was glad I had gone in and not waited till my appointment a few days later as these infections can easily spread to the kidneys and that is very bad.
So next he determines that the baby is actually transverse. He asked me how long he has been lying transverse?
“Umm, probably about 20-30 mins,” I told him honestly. Seriously this baby flips and flops and rotates. Position long term? I don’t think there has been one!
Dr. M chuckled and tried again.
“Seriously, he moves ALL over, I doubt he will stay that position for long,” I told him.
“Well we can hope that is the case,” Dr. M resigned, “but we do need a plan just in case.”
Part of the problem with a transverse baby is that it throws the measurements off. Where I have been measuring big for the last two appts and Ultrasound shows too much fluid being the source for that, now we have no idea where things are and the fact that I am measuring a tad small is indicative of this. And that is concerning. So the ultrasound is this Friday.
The plan:
Ultrasound for fluid levels and baby’s size
Appt in 2 weeks (34/35 weeks) – check position, if transverse consider version for week 37.
(I bet he flips… of course Dr. M’s snarky response was “well then which way does he flip?”)
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
29 Week Appointment
So after our appointment with the high risk doctor last week I was a bit worked up and paranoid. I should now apologize to all around me.
We had an appointment with our regular ob, who is a pretty straight shooter with loads of experience. I just think he is awesome.
So yeah, I have a bit of extra fluid and it is outside of 2 sigma. But according to Dr. M, high risk doc is a great guy, but it is his job to find little concerns and turn them into big ones. He also apparently thinks that everyone has gestational diabetes regardless of the test results. Dr. M on the other hand seems quite convinced that I do NOT have gestational diabetes and stated that the baby isn’t big – he is 63rd percentile – with GD at this point, you see bigger babies. And the truth of the matter is that I passed my 1 hour screen with flying colors. He stated he was more inclined to say that the high fluid levels are either just a fluke (i.e., we don’t typically diagnose on one data point) or it just happens with some people and we don’t know why and should count our blessings given that I am 41. He says he too often sees the opposite problem with women over 35 where the placenta starts deteriorating, fluids become low, etc. Right now all signs are that we have a very healthy pregnancy with a healthy baby boy.
I complained a little about my heartburn – what should I take beyond the Zantac I am taking twice a day.
“Let’s switch you to Pepcid, it works better. And I am assuming you are avoiding high acid foods?”
Silence.
“You know like orange juice, citrus fruits, tomato based sauces. You know this NM.”
Then AB starts to laugh, “You just listed off her main diet right there!”
Bratty husband ratted me out.
Yes, I KNOW I shouldn’t eat that stuff. I know it isn’t good for my esophagus (or gums) to eat grapefruit, pineapple and tomato based sauces ALL the time. But finding something else that actually sounds good. Tis not easy.
Dr. M was still thrilled with weight and bp – 8 lbs total gained since beginning of the pregnancy (on track for 1 lb/week until delivery) and my bp was 111/70. No swelling or water retention and in fact my rings are feeling looser – though it has been cold out and that could be the reason. He asked if I was able to keep sugar and carbs at a minimum still and asked about diet in general. Then bratty husband had to go and rat me out for a second time.
“She never eats!” he proclaims.
“I do to eat,” I said.
“What’s going on with the diet?” Dr. M asks.
“Just nothing ever tastes or sounds good except for pineapple, grapefruit or pasta,” I told him, leaving out the latte and pastry part… because they sound really good, but I really don’t eat a pastry very often. “Or I eat a bit and get full after a few bites,” I told him.
Thankfully he didn’t get on me about that and told AB not to worry about it so much. (So HA!) It isn’t like I am only eating candy. (Which frankly makes me gag as bad as meat does half the time.)
In all honesty though, this pregnancy has been very weird with food. NOTHING, absolutely nothing sounded good for the first half. And then I couldn’t keep stuff down anyways. So why eat good food that I would only be turned off of? Then the second half a few things have worked their way back onto my “I could eat that” list, but my stomach has no capacity. Not to mention that half the time I get started on something only to be turned off of it a few minutes later. Pregnancy eating is NOT fun this time around. Food will be one thing I will be ready to jump back on after delivering.
Anyways… good appointment. Dr. M thinks I will deliver around 38 weeks if fluid levels stay high – not 32 that the high risk doc was concerned about. Another ultrasound scheduled for a couple weeks to check fluid levels and make sure they aren’t completely out of whack. Plan is to deliver at the hospital that I had the other kids at. I asked about this because my coworker delivered at the other larger hospital. Of course if I go into labor early, like at 32 weeks, we will go there for the higher end NICU instead of the smaller hospital.
Phew – I don’t need to go out and buy EVERYTHING right now. At least I don't think so!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
High Risk Appointment #2, 29 weeks 1 day (according to them)
What exactly was I saying about wanting to go to the ob and NOT have some issue? I think this has happened exactly twice now.
We went to the high risk doc for ultrasound #6 to check the baby's heart. Happy to say that the baby's heart, anatomy and genetic profile are all looking super.
The space surrounding him though? Not so great.
The reason I am measuring large (at my last ob appt on 12-26) and that my back aches, my legs ache, I have shortness of breath, still throwing up on occasion and monstrous heartburn? I am polydyramnios.
My amniotic fluid is presently sitting at 26 and 24 is considered high end for 29 weeks (I think he said 12 was average?).
A bit of confusion surrounding all this. They reviewed the ultrasound results and none of the "observable on ultrasound" physical markers indicate a problem with the baby (i.e., no swallowing of amniotic fluid, blockages, etc.). And the genetic tests all came back clear.
About 2/3 of the cases of polyhydramnios don't have an apparent cause. They just happen and the doctors can't figure out why. 10% of them are caused by gestational diabetes and are therefore considered manageable. The remainder are typically a physical or genetic issue with the baby (which in my case have been ruled out as best as they can).
But I passed my gestational diabetes test just fine... Given my "advanced maternal age" the high risk doctor thinks I may be flying under the radar with GD. Apparently women in their 40's don't usually just pass the one hour test...
So his recommendation is that I go straight to glucose monitoring after seeing my ob on Tuesday morning, maintaining my same diet so as to not obscure the results, in an effort to identify GD as the cause of the polyhydramnios.
All of this got me thinking, "so I have a bit of extra fluid, so what's the big deal?"This is where I started looking up on the internet... which is not always a great idea. But anyways...
Apparently a large percentage of women diagnosed with polyhydramnios before 32 weeks end up with ruptured membranes (broken water) or preterm labor and if not stopped, deliver by 32 weeks. Of course in order to stop the preterm labor and keep it maintained, that means bed rest. Other complications include placental abruption, umbilical cord prolapse, hemmorhaging post delivery and the doctor may recommend a c-section delivery to avoid potential complications with a vaginal delivery.
Either way (GD or not) it probably means weekly non-stress tests and every other week ultrasounds (according to the high risk doctor). If it gets bad (according to the internet) they will drain off fluid through an amnio. Or there is a medication that can be used up to 31 weeks, but has some not so great side effects for the baby - so risk benefit needs to be assesed.
So hmmm. This is where we sit now.
I don't want this weekend to fly by exactly - I have loads of things to do (buy baby stuff, paint - provided we can decide on a color which isn't looking terribly likely, finish his quilt, and start washing baby boy clothes so I can assess what I have and what I need). But at the same time, I am really looking forward to Tuesday morning for my ob appointment, which AB will be attending with me.
We went to the high risk doc for ultrasound #6 to check the baby's heart. Happy to say that the baby's heart, anatomy and genetic profile are all looking super.
The space surrounding him though? Not so great.
The reason I am measuring large (at my last ob appt on 12-26) and that my back aches, my legs ache, I have shortness of breath, still throwing up on occasion and monstrous heartburn? I am polydyramnios.
My amniotic fluid is presently sitting at 26 and 24 is considered high end for 29 weeks (I think he said 12 was average?).
A bit of confusion surrounding all this. They reviewed the ultrasound results and none of the "observable on ultrasound" physical markers indicate a problem with the baby (i.e., no swallowing of amniotic fluid, blockages, etc.). And the genetic tests all came back clear.
About 2/3 of the cases of polyhydramnios don't have an apparent cause. They just happen and the doctors can't figure out why. 10% of them are caused by gestational diabetes and are therefore considered manageable. The remainder are typically a physical or genetic issue with the baby (which in my case have been ruled out as best as they can).
But I passed my gestational diabetes test just fine... Given my "advanced maternal age" the high risk doctor thinks I may be flying under the radar with GD. Apparently women in their 40's don't usually just pass the one hour test...
So his recommendation is that I go straight to glucose monitoring after seeing my ob on Tuesday morning, maintaining my same diet so as to not obscure the results, in an effort to identify GD as the cause of the polyhydramnios.
All of this got me thinking, "so I have a bit of extra fluid, so what's the big deal?"This is where I started looking up on the internet... which is not always a great idea. But anyways...
Apparently a large percentage of women diagnosed with polyhydramnios before 32 weeks end up with ruptured membranes (broken water) or preterm labor and if not stopped, deliver by 32 weeks. Of course in order to stop the preterm labor and keep it maintained, that means bed rest. Other complications include placental abruption, umbilical cord prolapse, hemmorhaging post delivery and the doctor may recommend a c-section delivery to avoid potential complications with a vaginal delivery.
Either way (GD or not) it probably means weekly non-stress tests and every other week ultrasounds (according to the high risk doctor). If it gets bad (according to the internet) they will drain off fluid through an amnio. Or there is a medication that can be used up to 31 weeks, but has some not so great side effects for the baby - so risk benefit needs to be assesed.
So hmmm. This is where we sit now.
I don't want this weekend to fly by exactly - I have loads of things to do (buy baby stuff, paint - provided we can decide on a color which isn't looking terribly likely, finish his quilt, and start washing baby boy clothes so I can assess what I have and what I need). But at the same time, I am really looking forward to Tuesday morning for my ob appointment, which AB will be attending with me.
Moving along...
Getting closer… (written before the high risk doctor exam on 1-18-13).
It’s been harder to maintain the blog as I must be nesting. Everything needs to get done… NOW!
The baby’s room is ready to paint. I still have bought next to nothing (hopefully will remedy that this weekend or next). The quilt is nearly half done. The kids are getting excited. And the house can’t get clean enough.
One of my good work friends just had his baby Monday night. I got his e-mail first thing Monday morning that they were headed to the hospital. It is hard to explain but it sent a wave of panic through me! I knew they would be fine. We have the same fabulous ob, she is a nurse, he’s an engineer. Under control. (At least from my far removed perspective.) But as a typical pregnant woman I have to make everything about me. Oh my goodness we are next! Oh my goodness I am not ready! Oh my goodness who is going to take care of the kids?! Oh my goodness how is this all going to go down? Oh my goodness in theory (though I never go into labor early and always go late) this could happen any day now and I don’t even have a carseat! Oh my goodness we haven’t visited daycares yet! PANIC!!
Pulling myself out of the “it’s all about me” mentality… They had a healthy 7 lb 14 oz baby boy and all is good.
29 weeks. 11 weeks to go (if I am lucky and not overdue). I am feeling good. Much better now that my anemia is under control actually. My typical cravings have set in – grapefruit and pineapple. I am trying to moderate myself so that my gums don’t completely freak out. Leif is helping with that because every time I grab a grapefruit he requests half. At least. This morning he requested my other half and then begged for another half on top of that. And then the little turkey didn’t even give me the remnants to squeeze the remaining juice out of… he squeezed it himself and drank it.
I feel as big as a house and AB laughs when I tell him this. “But you still have 11 weeks!”
My body is tired though. I have many more Braxton-Hicks contractions than I ever had with the other two. My back aches. My legs ache. I can’t eat much of anything without getting crazy heartburn. Ok, honestly I can’t eat much of anything because my stomach has shrunken or maybe disappeared altogether. Nothing sounds good to eat (except grapefruit, pineapple, lattes and pastries). Beer sounds good. Wine sounds good. Food, in general, sounds nasty. Meat? Blah. (Which doesn’t help the anemia issue…)
Names… we have one. Maybe we have two or three. AB prefers to see the baby before selecting a name – but the main problem with this comes about when we only REALLY have one name selected and we both like it. It is kind of hard not to think that we haven’t already named him. We actually do have a name #2 – but it isn’t Scandinavian (it’s Hebrew). And it is actually on the “popularity list”. And probably even worse yet is that it is on a major television series. Thus it breaks like every rule ever for a Carman baby. But it sounds great with our kids’ names and we like it. That one is our back up I guess.
As usual for us, we won’t be sharing the name beforehand. You could probably tease it out of the kids, though every time we bring it up they come up with other names. So I am not sure they are taking OUR selection terribly seriously. Last night Skadi came up with a new name – Brandon. “And we can call him Baby B or Baby Brandon”. It is one of the few “normal” names my kids have come up with. Cute, but no. I tried to explain that Leif, Skadi and Brandon just don’t go together very well… as opposed to Leif, Skadi and (insert other male Scandinavian name) goes a whole lot better. She wasn’t buying it. Brandon…
Friday, January 4, 2013
On finding out the gender
I don't think it is a secret that with my first two, we didn't find out the genders. With Leif it was something we thought we were supposed to do. AB and I were relatively indifferent to finding out the gender of the baby I was carrying, but so many people around us were anxious to find it out. And being that I was 32 and healthy, I got my one of two ultrasounds I had that pregnancy. So it wasn't like we were in having looks at the baby every few weeks. We finally made the decision to find out.
And that little baby was not cooperative. Then we enjoyed not knowing the gender! We drove our family and friends nuts.
Then the second time around with Skadi we decided not to find out. We loved not knowing!
It was a bit more difficult with decorating and maybe this is why Skadi is over the top girly is that she spent those first few years of her life in a gender neutral room. And clothing - well I had the logistics of having to buy two outfits to take to the hospital and return one. And then dealing with gender neutral stuff for those first few months with only a few gender specific clothes sprinkled in.
A friend of mine when I was pregnant with Leif said that she felt she bonded better with her baby after finding out the gender. She could assign a "her" (and therefore a name) to the baby and not a moniker. One of the guys I work with once told me that his wife HAD to find out. That they would be going back to the ultrasound tech and paying out of pocket to find out the genders of their babies had they not been cooperative. The reason? Because she was very organized and couldn't proceed with her planning without knowing the gender. Then there is my sister - who is just one of the most impatient people in the world and loves to know the surprises in life! She always has!
I do love how people are so different and I think it very important to emphasize that differences are good. I didn't fall into any of the above categories. I bonded just fine with the monikers we assigned to the first two babies. I am a huge planner, but I just planned not knowing the gender. And I love surprises. If I could I would just sit there with my Christmas presents in front of me for as long as possible without opening them and just admiring and considering the possibilities. I love the anticipation and upon finding out a gift, it isn't that I am let down or disappointed, but that rush of anticipation is gone and leaves a little bitty hole behind.
So as I told my husband this morning, "if we were to have another baby, which we aren't, I wouldn't find out the gender."
It isn't that I am disappointed. I guess it is hard to explain. Maybe it is that I feel that anticipation let down that I feel after opening my Christmas presents?
I do love being able to paint my last nursery gender specific and grab a few outfits on clearance. And the ability to chop our name list in half once we found out. I love hearing my kids talk about their baby brother. I enjoyed my daughter telling me that she really hopes that the new baby doesn't look JUST like Leif as she doesn't want to be surrounded by Leif's. I like all that.
But I REALLY love the surprise reveal after 40 (or 41) weeks and the labor!
And that little baby was not cooperative. Then we enjoyed not knowing the gender! We drove our family and friends nuts.
Then the second time around with Skadi we decided not to find out. We loved not knowing!
It was a bit more difficult with decorating and maybe this is why Skadi is over the top girly is that she spent those first few years of her life in a gender neutral room. And clothing - well I had the logistics of having to buy two outfits to take to the hospital and return one. And then dealing with gender neutral stuff for those first few months with only a few gender specific clothes sprinkled in.
A friend of mine when I was pregnant with Leif said that she felt she bonded better with her baby after finding out the gender. She could assign a "her" (and therefore a name) to the baby and not a moniker. One of the guys I work with once told me that his wife HAD to find out. That they would be going back to the ultrasound tech and paying out of pocket to find out the genders of their babies had they not been cooperative. The reason? Because she was very organized and couldn't proceed with her planning without knowing the gender. Then there is my sister - who is just one of the most impatient people in the world and loves to know the surprises in life! She always has!
I do love how people are so different and I think it very important to emphasize that differences are good. I didn't fall into any of the above categories. I bonded just fine with the monikers we assigned to the first two babies. I am a huge planner, but I just planned not knowing the gender. And I love surprises. If I could I would just sit there with my Christmas presents in front of me for as long as possible without opening them and just admiring and considering the possibilities. I love the anticipation and upon finding out a gift, it isn't that I am let down or disappointed, but that rush of anticipation is gone and leaves a little bitty hole behind.
So as I told my husband this morning, "if we were to have another baby, which we aren't, I wouldn't find out the gender."
It isn't that I am disappointed. I guess it is hard to explain. Maybe it is that I feel that anticipation let down that I feel after opening my Christmas presents?
I do love being able to paint my last nursery gender specific and grab a few outfits on clearance. And the ability to chop our name list in half once we found out. I love hearing my kids talk about their baby brother. I enjoyed my daughter telling me that she really hopes that the new baby doesn't look JUST like Leif as she doesn't want to be surrounded by Leif's. I like all that.
But I REALLY love the surprise reveal after 40 (or 41) weeks and the labor!
No gestational diabetes!
What a huge relief!
It is amazing how we can convince ourselves that something is wrong. And that we know what it is. Blame the internet?
No, we don't all need bloodwork, we just need symptoms and access to the internet!
Even though websites said that most people with gestational diabetes don't have symptoms, I was positive I did. Lethargy, slight nausea = gestational diabetes. Has to right?
Wrong.
It also equals anemia. Turns out I am actually very iron deficient. Probably not terribly surprising now that I think about it. Meat products - not particularly my favorite right now. Even the, albeit very delicious, prime rib my husband cooked for Christmas? Ehhh.
And then last night I gave in and we went to Bob's Burgers and gasp, I actually ordered a burger and ate it. Then I woke up feeling actually pretty good comparatively to what I had been feeling the past week or so. I could get myself out of bed without a force of nature (i.e., my kids) pushing me out.
I stopped by the grocery store on my way home and stocked up on beef. My husband is in heaven. Fajitas tonight, short ribs tomorrow or Sunday, loads of spinach. And lots of citrus to help the absorption of that iron. That one I can buy into easily.
Hopefully I will start feeling better soon!
(AND I CAN STILL HAVE SWEETS!!)
It is amazing how we can convince ourselves that something is wrong. And that we know what it is. Blame the internet?
No, we don't all need bloodwork, we just need symptoms and access to the internet!
Even though websites said that most people with gestational diabetes don't have symptoms, I was positive I did. Lethargy, slight nausea = gestational diabetes. Has to right?
Wrong.
It also equals anemia. Turns out I am actually very iron deficient. Probably not terribly surprising now that I think about it. Meat products - not particularly my favorite right now. Even the, albeit very delicious, prime rib my husband cooked for Christmas? Ehhh.
And then last night I gave in and we went to Bob's Burgers and gasp, I actually ordered a burger and ate it. Then I woke up feeling actually pretty good comparatively to what I had been feeling the past week or so. I could get myself out of bed without a force of nature (i.e., my kids) pushing me out.
I stopped by the grocery store on my way home and stocked up on beef. My husband is in heaven. Fajitas tonight, short ribs tomorrow or Sunday, loads of spinach. And lots of citrus to help the absorption of that iron. That one I can buy into easily.
Hopefully I will start feeling better soon!
(AND I CAN STILL HAVE SWEETS!!)
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