Five Months

Moving onto month 5. Yep, month 5. I have to admit that at this point my belief that we will actually conceive another child is wavering.

The past month or so I have also been questioning whether this path is the *right* one. Things are pretty good right now. Everyone is sleeping (most of the time). We don’t have a lot of illnesses. A good friend of mine has twin 5 month old daughters and it seems that every week one of them is sick and he and his wife are balancing their schedules. And I ask myself if I really want to go back to that. Life is awfully nice right now where everyone speaks the same language and can convey their needs.

And then something switches.

Last week I took Leif to the doctor’s office. We walked in and he held out his hand for my phone to play Battleship while we waited instead of wandering over to the kid’s corner with the big plastic toys.

“Don’t you want to go play with the toys?” I ask. (I am in denial that age 7 is happening this summer.)

He rolls his eyes at me.

“Please, phone mom?” he replies.

I hand it over.

Then I look around instead of picking up a magazine. Babies everywhere. Helpless little cute bundles of joy snuggling with moms. Everywhere.

(I ignored the rambunctious, uncontrollable 18 month old in the kids toys.)

Yep, still on this path.

AB and I talked about it a little last night. We talked about at what point do we accept what God has given us and go forward with a family of four? Maybe the end of the summer. Maybe our 40th birthdays. I don’t have an answer to that. I know it isn’t going to just keep going on. I will reach a point where I am not wanting