So Silas was born and then hauled off to the nursery. They were ready to bring him back to my room once the respiratory problems were resolved and AB fed him. Unfortunately once he ate, his blood sugar spiked and then dropped, necessitating a longer nursery stay. At that point he had his first x-ray of his chest ruling out other issues.
Finally my legs were back - or most of the way back - and I called for a nurse to help me get to the restroom and get cleaned up so I could go and see my baby boy. This nurse was THE perkiest thing I have ever met. She annoyed me. She annoyed me not in any way she could help or that she wasn't kind. She was ultra-kind, sweetest thing that ever lived - but I wanted to get down to business and get down the hallway not have Pollyanna dawdle with me in the restroom.
I was finally cleaned up and then AB walked me down the hall. We went into the nursery and scrubbed in, put our gowns on and then went over to our baby's newly assigned bay. Inside an incubator keeping him warm and nakey. They pulled him out so I could try and nurse him and hold him. I held him for about a half hour before they were anxious to get him back in the incubator. Throughout the day we went back and forth giving him a little time in the incubator, a little time for me in bed, some lunch, then back to hold Silas Ingvald Carman.
As I said in his birth story, AB had narrowed it down to two names - Silas and Roan. Silas was leading because Leif LOVED the name. He hadn't expressed interest in any name, except Silas. And he got a little teary if we mentioned that the baby's name may not be Silas. I ruled Roan out fairly quickly because Roan means "red haired". And well, with Skadi that would have flown - she was so obviously a red head at birth. Leif - once his hair came in at about age 2 - was also a red head. Though his red hair was fairly short lived and he is more sandy brown/strawberry blonde now. AB had a work friend who despised being a red head. He met Leif about age 4 and said, "red hair? That kid doesn't have red hair. Had I had that color of hair there would have never been a problem." And he forbid AB from ever referring to his son as red haired again around him.
Anyway, I couldn't name a boy after being red-headed if he wasn't! And his head showed signs of being blonde, brown and maybe a little bit of red. So Silas it was. Our other high ranking name was Espen and AB and I both have kind of wondered what happened with "Espen" after birth. I would have considered it, AB had it as his top name for so long. But it seemed to fall off our radar at the last minute.
Then the middle name. We were leaning towards Ingvald after AB's great grandfather, Ingvald Heggem, who immigrated from Norway and became a renowned boatbuilder in Seattle. His drawings are in the Smithsonian. He also was one of the founders of Ballard and no books or other documentation detailing this historic part of Seattle are complete without mention of Ingvald Heggem. Actually there was one recently and "the family" - or at least the historian of the family - has rejected it as utter crap because the family was not consulted on it.
Ingvald is less traditional, but AB and I liked that it addressed the (self-imposed) Scandinavian name requirement and the family name requirement since while Silas is very popular as a name in the Scandinavian countries right now, it is in fact Hebrew meaning "of the forest".
Silas was put on a glucose drip to maintain his blood sugar for awhile. He had little desire to nurse or to eat in general. He was diagnosed with newborn hypoglycema. Immediately I went back to those gestational diabetes yes or no discussions. My high risk doc was positive I was undiagnosed GD, while my ob insisted it just wasn't the case. You don't pass the 1 hour GD even if you are just borderline he told me. But I still wondered. And especially now. So who better to ask then the nursery nurses?
Me: "So does that mean I did have gestational diabetes?"
Nurse S: "Oh no, he's not a GD baby."
Me: "One doctor thought I may have undiagnosed GD."
Nurse S: "Oh no, particularly an unmanaged GD case. GD babies, even managed GD babies are chunky and have little rolls of fat. Silas is skinny. He is big, but 8 lbs 11 oz is not an unmanaged GD size. He is big because he is long, not because he is chunky."
Me: "Why else would he be hypoglycemic?"
Nurse S: "Actually the top reason we ever see hypoglycemic babies here is due to respiratory issues. If a baby, like yours, receives positive pressure air due to respiratory issues, they almost certainly will be hypoglycemic to varying degrees."
And sure enough, within 24 hours two other babies were born with respiratory issues (one pneumo thorax) and were both hypoglycemic.
I am not positive this completely puts to rest the GD question for me, but at least his nurses didn't believe he was a GD baby.
That first 12 hours was pretty smooth sailing and we were fairly confident that we would get the hypoglycemia issues resolved and he would move out of the nursery in the morning.
AB brought the kids to meet Silas and we had some nice family time. The kids got to scrub into the nursery and touch Silas through the portals in the incubator. Then they left.
Shortly after they left that evening Silas started vomiting. If you have never seen a newborn vomiting, you don't want to. I felt horrible watching him struggle and watching the nurses run to him and flip him over and whisper to him. He was quickly confined to the incubator and I was told to go back to my room to sleep for the night. My ob stopped by and came into the nursery begging me to let him give me something so I could sleep. I assured him I would be able to sleep, that I didn't want to be sedated. He finally let up and said he would check in with me in the morning.
As I was getting ready to leave Nurse Sarah called her counterpart Nurse Donnata over to listen to his chest. "I think Baby Carman has a heart murmur," she said.
Sure enough, Nurse Donnata (who I later found out was quite knowledgeable in heart murmurs with a daughter who had one) confirmed it and they noted it. As I was leaving, (I had a hard time pulling myself away) they put a tube down Silas' throat to act as a drain and taped it to his precious little face. The tube allowed the gases that were building up in his tummy to be released and allowed them to rinse his tummy out repeatedly. I asked them what exactly they were pulling out as I looked at the contents of the rinsing syringe - they told me it was amniotic fluid and a fair bit of blood.
A quick call to the doctor to inform him of the new developments and they had an abdominal scan scheduled in the coming few hours and he was put on antibiotics.
And then I went back to my room and tried to sleep. Of course my sleep was interrupted regularly by the nurses checking on me.
It was very easy to quickly forget that *I* was also a patient. That they needed to monitor me, medicate me and take care of me too.
As soon as I got up in the morning I showered - yes, to this point, I had forgotten to shower. Then I ate breakfast and hurried down to the nursery. Silas had been confined to the incubator, stomach tube placed better, antibiotics going and in the incubator solid now. No coming out to visit. The on call pediatrician came by to tell me that the abdominal scan was normal, the blood in his stomach was likely just my blood - did I by chance have blood in my amniotic fluis? Yes, I did I told him. He had stabilized overnight, but was under close observation and at that point we were told that he would be in for at least another 2 days. Once on the antibiotics, he wasn't coming off for a couple days. They had ordered an echocardiogram to diagnose the heart condition and they would be here at any point.
I sat in the nursery, teary eyed. The list kept getting longer with issues, not shorter.
Pretty soon the EKG people arrived. The tech didn't have much to say to me, and I knew he couldn't make diagnoses. But he didn't give me the "well I would say everything looks good" impression either. They told me they would be sending the EKG to the pediatric cardiologist in Spokane and we would get a report back.
My ob came by and was surprised to find us still in the nursery. "You don't have anywhere you need to be, right?" he asked. I shook my head. "Then I can keep you as a patient for another 24 hours and then I will release you as a 'boarder mom'." As a boarder mom I would be given a room in the family birthing center, I could order food and I could come and go as needed as long as I kept the nurses and the nursery staff informed.
The coming three days slowly became a blur of walking up and down the halls to see Silas, sitting in the nursery looking at Silas - I finally got to hold him again at some point, and I can't remember when - and watching bad daytime TV. All the days just blurred together and I was feeling cheated of my precious leave time - it shouldn't be used up on me sitting in a hospital room without my baby. It should be at home with my husband. Same thing for AB - his one week of leave was full of driving back and forth, fielding the older two and fetching me food (as I was sick of hospital food).
AB would get up and get the kids on the bus. Then he would drive to the hospital and spend the morning with me and Silas. Then he would go get us lunch. Spend the afternoon with me and Silas until he needed to go home and meet the kids' bus. Then he would bring them to the hospital to see us and usually bring dinner with. Those evening visits got shorter as the kids became more accustomed to the hospital and the nursery (read, they became bored quickly and their boredom became exhausting to AB and I, who were tired and it was easier for AB to deal with them at home).
Each night, once Silas was allowed to be out of the incubator, they phoned me every 3 hours to come down and try to nurse, which usually ended up in complete failure and I was getting frustrated that my lactation consultant wasn't listening to me. It was my excuse though to sneak in some extra snuggle time, as I would hold him until someone would realize I was still there and Silas wasn't back in the incubator. He had skin to skin time with me, I was sure he wasn't freezing. But wow, they were effective at getting him on a good schedule and hopefully I don't completely kill that...
I spent the days and nights sitting in the nursery watching babies come and go and very few hang out for more than a couple hours. One day I came in and there was a 10 lbs 11 oz baby boy next to Silas. My boy looked tiny!
Silas was born on a Tuesday and by Friday he was doing well. I finally insisted after many unsuccessful nursing sessions and after reassuring EVERYONE around me that my milk will eventually come in and I am a dedicated breastfeeding mom with plenty of experience, to let me give him formula. Nurse Sandy backed me up. I said I didn't want to take him home not knowing if he could tolerate anything on his stomach, and the on call pediatrician agreed. He needed to eat formula and prove he could maintain his blood sugar before he would release him. Nurse Sandy went and retrieved a bottle of formula in seconds and had it in my hand and I relieved, sat and gave my son a bottle.
Nurse Sandy, who I had come to really like and we finally figured out she was my L&D nurse with Leif, was pushing for us to get released. She got all his release paperwork done, did footprints, hearing test and then that late afternoon went and called the on call pediatrician with news that Silas had, for 6 hours, done well with formula. The on call pediatrician said, "great, keep him overnight and make sure he does well overnight".
For all my desire to NOT be in the hospital one more day, I also was scared to death of bringing a sick baby home and having him vomit that evening. I was fine with him staying and I reminded myself I could tolerate anything for my kids and settled in for another night of being slave to the ringing phone instead of my baby's whimpers in a sleeper next to me.
At this point the respiratory issues had resolved, the hypoglycemia resolved as he was weaned off the glucose. The vomiting ceased. No abdominal issues were noted. The jaundice was mild. The heart murmur was diagnosed and recommendations for referral were issued. Things were looking up.
I got to know the nurses well during those days and quickly realized that nearly every nurse there had some hand in our care. Silas had about 5-6 different nurses and I had had more. One of Silas' nurses who had diagnosed the heart murmur gave me the inside scoop on pediatric cardiologists - basically there were none in the area. The closest was Spokane, but I really wanted to see the Seattle Children's cardiologists - they are the best. I took her recommendations to heart.
Finally Saturday morning arrived and at 9am I had our release orders. Which all would have gone great if Leif hadn't had a soccer game at 9am. So Silas and I hung out until AB, Leif and Skadi could get there about 10:30 to pick us up. Once he got there it was the quickest release ever. Nurse Sandy wanted to be the one to walk us out, and I didn't want to keep her from the nursery longer than necessary, so we hurried. And I only snapped a couple pictures along the way of Silas in his cute (if not completely poorly designed) Hanna Anderssen sweater outfit - it only had one opening at the legs and was difficult to get on him. But it was SO cute.
Finally we were all in the Sequoia, headed home. And like with the other kids, I needed a big bubble around our car. People drive like maniacs!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
Silas' Birth Story
My water broke. On the kitchen tile thank goodness. I had been on the couch and barely got any on there, or on the carpet as I had headed to go upstairs. But once my feet were on the tile the flood came. Literally. No joke.
My water had broken with Skadi too, but this was about 10 times as much. It just kept gushing as AB stared in awe. Finally he went and got kitchen towels as I was trying to get my pants off and was at the same time dismayed that my leather flip flops (the only thing my feet fit into) were soaked. What in the world was I supposed to put on my feet.
I also then started noting the blood. The fluid wasn't clear. It was pink and there was actual red blood.
When my water broke with Skadi I remember taking my time. But knowing what a good friend had gone through with his wife in January and hearing his refrain in my head - "if you see pink or blood, get to the hospital asap". When AB started moving, I was full on ready to run to the hospital. We got things fairly well cleaned up, got the bags, texted the friends that Plan A was back on and got into the car. I noted the time - 2:58pm. And was also suddenly very happy it hadn't happened a few hours earlier at Bookwalter.
My water was still gushing and I was sitting on towels in the car. Everything felt different, smaller, tighter. Every bump in the road I could feel and the baby's moves were very painful.
But similar with Skadi - no contractions.
We arrived at the Birthing Center and they seemed a little confused - yes, I was the 10pm induction, but I was early, and hello my water broke. I should have just said "my water broke", not started with that I was the induction scheduled for 10pm as they seemed to have stuck on that detail.
They asked me if I had a choice in rooms as only one was occupied and I picked one of the ones with the new spa shower. I was put into what I believe, was the same room that Skadi was born in. Some renovations had been done since she was born, but the location was right and the direction the room faced was right. It was a happy day!
They put me on the monitors and Olivia was my nurse for just a few hours until shift change - Olivia was my nurse with Skadi too. It was noted that no, I was not contracting, but baby was moving well, had steady heartrate and was not in distress. I was put on a penicillin IV ordered for every four hours until delivery because I was Group B Strep positive.
Once they got the first dose of penicillin in me and determined the baby was doing good, I was released to walk the halls. And here we were, same as with Skadi, walking the halls. Only with her we got to watch the sunrise... not the sunset. It was quiet in the birthing center and we cruised the halls. Only a few contractions here and there.
We ate dinner and hung out, walked and waited until Dr. M would call in again for an update and instruct on the path forward at 10pm.
At 10pm he called in and ordered the induction that was initially scheduled for 10pm - same path forward, two doses of Cytotec each 5 hours apart and then start Pitocin at 7am given that I was not having any contractions.
At 11pm my nurse Shana brought in the first dose of Cytotec and AB laid down to try and sleep. I did the same. I was able to successfully sleep some for the first couple hours. The contractions that started in those first few hours were enough that I noticed them, but not enough that I couldn't sleep through them either. Until 3am.
At 3am I was fully awake and having strong contractions. I told myself to let AB sleep and to just go with the contractions for the next hour until they brought in my next dose of Cytotec.
That was THE longest 45 minutes of my life. The contractions were coming pretty strong, very regular and I found myself holding onto the bed rails and counting while breathing to get through them. Finally I woke AB up and asked him to go get the nurse.
Shana came in, checked my cervix and got ready to go call Dr. M to let him know I was contracting hard, should she administer the next dose of Cytotec? I was positive that I was likely at least 5-6 cm by now.
2 cm.
TWO freaking centimeters.
I was so sad and frustrated. I remember with Leif and Skadi being 5 cm before insisting on an epidural. And here I was at two centimeters begging for pain relief.
My nurse came back with news from Dr. M. I could have either IV pain relief or an epidural. Skip the next dose of Cytotec and pitocin at 7am to get me dilated.
I reasoned out with the nurse that I wanted the IV pain relief instead of the epidural at this point because at only 2 cm I didn't want to be hooked up to an epidural that entire time. AB helped me get up and go to the restroom, which was a horribly difficult trip. I got back and the IV was started.
Shana told me that the pain would not go away, but just take the edge off. I could have two doses - one 100% dose, of which she only wanted to give me half to start to see how I tolerated it as she had prior patients react poorly mentally to it. As she put it, "it gets into your head".
I tolerated it well. I can't describe the feeling now - 1.5 weeks later - but "getting into your head" was a good descriptor. The second dose would be an 80% dose and she warned me it wouldn't last as long. I remember asking how long I would feel better and she said 45-60 minutes for the first dose.
I was able to relax some, she was right, just the edge of the pain was taken off. The contractions were still strong, I still clung to the bed rails, counted and breathed hard. But it wasn't as bad as it had been.
60 minutes flew by and suddenly I was begging for the second dose.
She was right, it didn't work nearly as well the second time around and by 30 minutes in I was begging for the epidural and this time I was serious. Get it here. Now.
It was about 5:30am and AB helped me head to the bathroom while I waited for the epidural. Once there I felt like I was going to throw up. Shana came in and said, "she can't be in transition yet, but I want to check her once she gets back".
And upon checking me she started panicking. Ok, actually she was very calm. But you know that kind of fake calm that comes over people? She started moving very quickly.
7 Centimeters.
"You went from 2 to 7 centimeters in 1.5 hours," she gasped!
She "walked quickly" to the door and yelled down the hall to the nurses station:
"Call Dr. Morrison, April is 7 cm in 1.5 hours and get an epidural here NOW!"
Suddenly AB was wide awake and next to me helping with the contractions. Nurses were in and out. And that epidural took his time.
Finally Dr. Epidural arrived, sauntered in slowly and decided to go through a list of questions with me whereby he politely stopped asking questions for each and every freaking contraction.
Shana stepped it up.
"Dr. Epidural sir, no disrespect, but she went from 2 to 7 centimeters in record time and we need to get this moving," she said.
He was surprisingly dismissive of her (in my opinion) and went about his very slow movements.
I have never, in all three of my labors, wanted to yell at anyone... except him. I wanted to scream and yell at him. I recalled seeing a thing on TV whereby an anesthesiologist had gotten a kidney stone and after that experience said that he never dilly dallied on getting a woman an epidural.
I wished kidney stones on him.
I sat on the edge of the bed with my arms around AB contracting every few minutes waiting and waiting for Dr. Slow Epidural to get a move on. I recalled with my other two nearly immediate relief after the epidural. Not this time around. I think I had another 4-5 contractions before feeling relief. Once I felt relief I just wanted Dr. Slow Epidural to leave he annoyed me so much.
Shana checked me again and announced 8 cm and "where is Dr. M!" She yelled down the hall, you guys did call him didn't you? She is 8cm!
Suddenly the room was being set up for delivery and nurses were in and out. But no Dr. M.
Finally someone announced that he was in the hospital. And a huge glow emanated in my life.
The epidural was eh. It was working very well, I could hardly feel contractions, but my right leg was like a lead weight and my left was only slightly better. With my other two I could still feel contractions and move my legs. This one, not as good. Dr. Slow Epidural was still on my shit list.
With Skadi I had the "floppy cervix", whereby it seemed dilated because it was "floppy", but not all the way. They kept saying I was right there, just one little lip of the cervix, and talk that they could almost just nudge it into place. So for all the racing, we were left sitting and waiting. But at least I couldn't feel anything!
Finally the nurse suggested we do a couple of test pushes. Success. I pushed the baby moved down. Suddenly everyone was in place and ready for a baby.
Push #1 - there's the head crowning - they brought the mirror over so I could see.
Push #2 - the head was born.
Push #3 - the body was born at 8:21am
(This is a significant time. My mother was born at 6:21 am, my sister, I believe, at 6:21am. I was born at 11:21pm, Leif was born at 1:21pm, and now Silas at 8:21am. Skadi - in her quest to be different - was born at 1:59pm.)
Suddenly there was this little being on my chest and I was trying to get a good look at him.
Then suddenly he was snatched off my chest, taken over to the area where they work on the babies and loads of commotion. I knew he wasn't breathing. He was pinkish, not blue from what I could see, but they said he was "holding his breath". Once on oxygen he was pink, but taking him off oxygen he was not sustaining respiration.
They unsnapped everything and within minutes were out the door running him down to the nursery. I yelled at AB to go with him. It was obvious he felt torn as he saw my tears and his son being wheeled away.
Then I was sitting there by myself with Dr. M reassuring me. I knew one of his children had been born with issues causing her to be whisked away, so he continued to tell me about her and about how things are just fine. He is in good hands. We talked about how we both agree that hospital births are best - he said it scares him to death when people opt for a home birth and what happens when a baby like mine is born who is having trouble.
I kept wondering what he looked like, how much he weighed, how long he was.
AB popped in a few minutes later to tell me he was breathing, everything was going to be fine. I sent him back with a camera. Get pictures, I told him. I needed to see pictures.
I sat there and sobbed.
AB came back and asked if he could give him formula? Of course, I barked! Get back there! But also get back here. And leave the camera here! And yes, I am sobbing, but it is because Dr. Slow Epidural gave me too much epidural and I can't move my legs and they think it will be a few hours before I can get up and get down to see him.
We talked briefly about names. AB had narrowed it down to Roan and Silas from our somewhat extensive list. (Since this is our last baby, no chance of recycling names, our list is here: Espen (was AB's lead most of the pregnancy), Silas (my lead most of the pregnancy), Roan (the dark horse that popped up at the last minute), Sven, Viggo, Rafe, Anders, Tait, Beck and Knut). But I was pretty insistent that I see him before going with a name.
AB went back to give him formula. He did that and they were getting ready to wheel him back when suddenly they changed their mind. And Silas would remain in the special care nursery for the next 4 nights.
My water had broken with Skadi too, but this was about 10 times as much. It just kept gushing as AB stared in awe. Finally he went and got kitchen towels as I was trying to get my pants off and was at the same time dismayed that my leather flip flops (the only thing my feet fit into) were soaked. What in the world was I supposed to put on my feet.
I also then started noting the blood. The fluid wasn't clear. It was pink and there was actual red blood.
When my water broke with Skadi I remember taking my time. But knowing what a good friend had gone through with his wife in January and hearing his refrain in my head - "if you see pink or blood, get to the hospital asap". When AB started moving, I was full on ready to run to the hospital. We got things fairly well cleaned up, got the bags, texted the friends that Plan A was back on and got into the car. I noted the time - 2:58pm. And was also suddenly very happy it hadn't happened a few hours earlier at Bookwalter.
My water was still gushing and I was sitting on towels in the car. Everything felt different, smaller, tighter. Every bump in the road I could feel and the baby's moves were very painful.
But similar with Skadi - no contractions.
We arrived at the Birthing Center and they seemed a little confused - yes, I was the 10pm induction, but I was early, and hello my water broke. I should have just said "my water broke", not started with that I was the induction scheduled for 10pm as they seemed to have stuck on that detail.
They asked me if I had a choice in rooms as only one was occupied and I picked one of the ones with the new spa shower. I was put into what I believe, was the same room that Skadi was born in. Some renovations had been done since she was born, but the location was right and the direction the room faced was right. It was a happy day!
They put me on the monitors and Olivia was my nurse for just a few hours until shift change - Olivia was my nurse with Skadi too. It was noted that no, I was not contracting, but baby was moving well, had steady heartrate and was not in distress. I was put on a penicillin IV ordered for every four hours until delivery because I was Group B Strep positive.
Once they got the first dose of penicillin in me and determined the baby was doing good, I was released to walk the halls. And here we were, same as with Skadi, walking the halls. Only with her we got to watch the sunrise... not the sunset. It was quiet in the birthing center and we cruised the halls. Only a few contractions here and there.
We ate dinner and hung out, walked and waited until Dr. M would call in again for an update and instruct on the path forward at 10pm.
At 10pm he called in and ordered the induction that was initially scheduled for 10pm - same path forward, two doses of Cytotec each 5 hours apart and then start Pitocin at 7am given that I was not having any contractions.
At 11pm my nurse Shana brought in the first dose of Cytotec and AB laid down to try and sleep. I did the same. I was able to successfully sleep some for the first couple hours. The contractions that started in those first few hours were enough that I noticed them, but not enough that I couldn't sleep through them either. Until 3am.
At 3am I was fully awake and having strong contractions. I told myself to let AB sleep and to just go with the contractions for the next hour until they brought in my next dose of Cytotec.
That was THE longest 45 minutes of my life. The contractions were coming pretty strong, very regular and I found myself holding onto the bed rails and counting while breathing to get through them. Finally I woke AB up and asked him to go get the nurse.
Shana came in, checked my cervix and got ready to go call Dr. M to let him know I was contracting hard, should she administer the next dose of Cytotec? I was positive that I was likely at least 5-6 cm by now.
2 cm.
TWO freaking centimeters.
I was so sad and frustrated. I remember with Leif and Skadi being 5 cm before insisting on an epidural. And here I was at two centimeters begging for pain relief.
My nurse came back with news from Dr. M. I could have either IV pain relief or an epidural. Skip the next dose of Cytotec and pitocin at 7am to get me dilated.
I reasoned out with the nurse that I wanted the IV pain relief instead of the epidural at this point because at only 2 cm I didn't want to be hooked up to an epidural that entire time. AB helped me get up and go to the restroom, which was a horribly difficult trip. I got back and the IV was started.
Shana told me that the pain would not go away, but just take the edge off. I could have two doses - one 100% dose, of which she only wanted to give me half to start to see how I tolerated it as she had prior patients react poorly mentally to it. As she put it, "it gets into your head".
I tolerated it well. I can't describe the feeling now - 1.5 weeks later - but "getting into your head" was a good descriptor. The second dose would be an 80% dose and she warned me it wouldn't last as long. I remember asking how long I would feel better and she said 45-60 minutes for the first dose.
I was able to relax some, she was right, just the edge of the pain was taken off. The contractions were still strong, I still clung to the bed rails, counted and breathed hard. But it wasn't as bad as it had been.
60 minutes flew by and suddenly I was begging for the second dose.
She was right, it didn't work nearly as well the second time around and by 30 minutes in I was begging for the epidural and this time I was serious. Get it here. Now.
It was about 5:30am and AB helped me head to the bathroom while I waited for the epidural. Once there I felt like I was going to throw up. Shana came in and said, "she can't be in transition yet, but I want to check her once she gets back".
And upon checking me she started panicking. Ok, actually she was very calm. But you know that kind of fake calm that comes over people? She started moving very quickly.
7 Centimeters.
"You went from 2 to 7 centimeters in 1.5 hours," she gasped!
She "walked quickly" to the door and yelled down the hall to the nurses station:
"Call Dr. Morrison, April is 7 cm in 1.5 hours and get an epidural here NOW!"
Suddenly AB was wide awake and next to me helping with the contractions. Nurses were in and out. And that epidural took his time.
Finally Dr. Epidural arrived, sauntered in slowly and decided to go through a list of questions with me whereby he politely stopped asking questions for each and every freaking contraction.
Shana stepped it up.
"Dr. Epidural sir, no disrespect, but she went from 2 to 7 centimeters in record time and we need to get this moving," she said.
He was surprisingly dismissive of her (in my opinion) and went about his very slow movements.
I have never, in all three of my labors, wanted to yell at anyone... except him. I wanted to scream and yell at him. I recalled seeing a thing on TV whereby an anesthesiologist had gotten a kidney stone and after that experience said that he never dilly dallied on getting a woman an epidural.
I wished kidney stones on him.
I sat on the edge of the bed with my arms around AB contracting every few minutes waiting and waiting for Dr. Slow Epidural to get a move on. I recalled with my other two nearly immediate relief after the epidural. Not this time around. I think I had another 4-5 contractions before feeling relief. Once I felt relief I just wanted Dr. Slow Epidural to leave he annoyed me so much.
Shana checked me again and announced 8 cm and "where is Dr. M!" She yelled down the hall, you guys did call him didn't you? She is 8cm!
Suddenly the room was being set up for delivery and nurses were in and out. But no Dr. M.
Finally someone announced that he was in the hospital. And a huge glow emanated in my life.
The epidural was eh. It was working very well, I could hardly feel contractions, but my right leg was like a lead weight and my left was only slightly better. With my other two I could still feel contractions and move my legs. This one, not as good. Dr. Slow Epidural was still on my shit list.
With Skadi I had the "floppy cervix", whereby it seemed dilated because it was "floppy", but not all the way. They kept saying I was right there, just one little lip of the cervix, and talk that they could almost just nudge it into place. So for all the racing, we were left sitting and waiting. But at least I couldn't feel anything!
Finally the nurse suggested we do a couple of test pushes. Success. I pushed the baby moved down. Suddenly everyone was in place and ready for a baby.
Push #1 - there's the head crowning - they brought the mirror over so I could see.
Push #2 - the head was born.
Push #3 - the body was born at 8:21am
(This is a significant time. My mother was born at 6:21 am, my sister, I believe, at 6:21am. I was born at 11:21pm, Leif was born at 1:21pm, and now Silas at 8:21am. Skadi - in her quest to be different - was born at 1:59pm.)
Suddenly there was this little being on my chest and I was trying to get a good look at him.
Then suddenly he was snatched off my chest, taken over to the area where they work on the babies and loads of commotion. I knew he wasn't breathing. He was pinkish, not blue from what I could see, but they said he was "holding his breath". Once on oxygen he was pink, but taking him off oxygen he was not sustaining respiration.
They unsnapped everything and within minutes were out the door running him down to the nursery. I yelled at AB to go with him. It was obvious he felt torn as he saw my tears and his son being wheeled away.
Then I was sitting there by myself with Dr. M reassuring me. I knew one of his children had been born with issues causing her to be whisked away, so he continued to tell me about her and about how things are just fine. He is in good hands. We talked about how we both agree that hospital births are best - he said it scares him to death when people opt for a home birth and what happens when a baby like mine is born who is having trouble.
I kept wondering what he looked like, how much he weighed, how long he was.
AB popped in a few minutes later to tell me he was breathing, everything was going to be fine. I sent him back with a camera. Get pictures, I told him. I needed to see pictures.
I sat there and sobbed.
AB came back and asked if he could give him formula? Of course, I barked! Get back there! But also get back here. And leave the camera here! And yes, I am sobbing, but it is because Dr. Slow Epidural gave me too much epidural and I can't move my legs and they think it will be a few hours before I can get up and get down to see him.
We talked briefly about names. AB had narrowed it down to Roan and Silas from our somewhat extensive list. (Since this is our last baby, no chance of recycling names, our list is here: Espen (was AB's lead most of the pregnancy), Silas (my lead most of the pregnancy), Roan (the dark horse that popped up at the last minute), Sven, Viggo, Rafe, Anders, Tait, Beck and Knut). But I was pretty insistent that I see him before going with a name.
AB went back to give him formula. He did that and they were getting ready to wheel him back when suddenly they changed their mind. And Silas would remain in the special care nursery for the next 4 nights.
40 Weeks 2 days
Wait a second... didn't everyone bet against this? I was supposed to go early! One professional bet was even for labor around 32 weeks. Why then, was I still hanging out after my due date?
As normal for my body (if two data points can show a trend), I should have expected this. I was 41 weeks with Leif, 40 weeks 3 days with Skadi. Never dilated with either of them. Carried high until the end when the spontaneously dropped.
Why should this one be different?
On Monday, April 8th I went and saw Dr. M. He checked me, noted no increase in dilation, expressed concern and we scheduled the induction to start at 10pm.
AB and I went out to lunch at Bookwalter, he contemplated going back to work but for some reason decided to hang out with me at home and we went back to the house. I tried to sleep on the couch, but couldn't get comfortable while he watched TV. Watching the minutes tick down to the 10 pm induction was painful.
We had arranged "just in case" to have the kids ride a different bus home where they would be met by a number of families we are close to. We called them and said that AB would come down and retrieve kids, we would have dinner, then the kids would go back to a friend's house at about 8pm, where we would put them to bed there and then head to the hospital.
I tossed and turned on the couch and finally announced that I was going to go lay down in the bed upstairs. I swung my feet around and felt warmth.
My water broke. Or did it. Did I just totally wet my pants, I mean there wasn't a "pop" like with Skadi - and didn't they say I had like a gallon of amniotic fluid in there. Dang it. I got up and over to the kitchen tile.
Gush.
My water broke.
As normal for my body (if two data points can show a trend), I should have expected this. I was 41 weeks with Leif, 40 weeks 3 days with Skadi. Never dilated with either of them. Carried high until the end when the spontaneously dropped.
Why should this one be different?
On Monday, April 8th I went and saw Dr. M. He checked me, noted no increase in dilation, expressed concern and we scheduled the induction to start at 10pm.
AB and I went out to lunch at Bookwalter, he contemplated going back to work but for some reason decided to hang out with me at home and we went back to the house. I tried to sleep on the couch, but couldn't get comfortable while he watched TV. Watching the minutes tick down to the 10 pm induction was painful.
We had arranged "just in case" to have the kids ride a different bus home where they would be met by a number of families we are close to. We called them and said that AB would come down and retrieve kids, we would have dinner, then the kids would go back to a friend's house at about 8pm, where we would put them to bed there and then head to the hospital.
I tossed and turned on the couch and finally announced that I was going to go lay down in the bed upstairs. I swung my feet around and felt warmth.
My water broke. Or did it. Did I just totally wet my pants, I mean there wasn't a "pop" like with Skadi - and didn't they say I had like a gallon of amniotic fluid in there. Dang it. I got up and over to the kitchen tile.
Gush.
My water broke.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Staring down 40 weeks
This week has been a hard one. Fielding two active kids on Spring Break at 39 weeks pregnant - not so much fun! At least they are at the point in life where their expectations of Spring Break are relatively low. And honestly, Leif would rather spend the week at home (playing anything electronic, or lately, reading). Skadi on the other hand - STIR CRAZY. AB stayed home Thursday to help me - which really was wonderful, even if it means he will have less time home with me and the baby after he arrives. (I say this now...)
I had originally had an appointment scheduled for Tuesday morning, but Dr. M had to cancel as he was in a complicated delivery. I was rescheduled to today, April 5th, 39 weeks 6 days. I was starting to get a little nervous going so long between appointments at such a late point in the pregnancy.
It was a nice, relaxed appointment today though as AB was there and Dr. M had few patients scheduled since he only normally works Tuesday and Wednesdays. So we took the time to sit and talk about options.
I went in expecting to be sent in for an induction. But he really left it up to me. How do I feel - am I going absolutely stir crazy, how is my frame of mind, how is the baby doing? We decided to take into consideration a number of factors and tests to decide the path forward (not surprising for me as a scientist - I need data).
First step - bp and weight. BP was 102/68 (shockingly low at this late point) and no weight gain since last week.
Second step - Office exam, measuring right at 40 weeks (again), head down, and cervix check. My cervix is still very high (ouchie mama that exam was not fun). 1 cm dilated (still), but effaced and cervix is soft. Contractions are doing something if at least slowly. I have never dilated easily, so this is an accomplishment for me.
Third step - Mental. Yes, I am tired. But it is only a few days to try and give him more time to come on his own. I can do that. I am strong. I don't feel like a number of those women I have heard crying and begging for an induction. When it comes down to it, I am happy, a little weepy (stupid emotional commercials), a little hot headed when people constantly barage me with "how are you doing" or stupid questions that don't help the situation or offer their advice. I don't want a c-section. AB doesn't have the time off to help me recover from a c-section and I know I can deliver vaginally. An induction comes with an increased risk of c-section and since my cervix is just barely ready if it really is (I actually am not completely sure, but Dr. M has concerns about inducing and I trust him), this concerns me.
Fourth step - Family Birthing Center. Non-stress test showed (not surprising to AB and I) one extremely active baby. No significant contractions going on, regular heart rate with typical accelerations. Ultrasound was aimed to assess fluid levels (my fluids have been high to this point, but we don't want low fluids), and fetal size. They also do a sort of non-stress ultrasound for the baby where they count inhalations, back arching and hand flexing. Hand flexing passed with flying colors as we watched him play with the umbilical cord. Inhalations passed well as did the back arching. Fluid levels were normal and fetal size was determined to be "average". The measurement comes with a +/- 1.5 lbs error, but he was assessed at 8.5 lbs +/- 1.5 lbs.
Given all this combined the baby is not at risk, my mental state is sound, fluids are good, no concerns for size (I suppose...), we decided not to induce today and I was released from the hospital. We opted to try to give it over the weekend to go into labor. If that doesn't happen then we reassess Monday morning.
As AB and I left the birthing center he said, "I have such good memories of this place and am excited to be back." We have had nothing but fabulous, caring nurses, a great ob that prefers low intervention routes.
So there, that is the news. Don't feel slighted if I don't respond to incessant inquiries about how I am doing, respond to questions that call into question my doctor's and our decisions, or pay attention to everyone's suggestions about what I can do to trigger labor. I am frankly tired of ongoing contractions and worn out and sore from waking up in the morning after a long night with hour long sets of contractions that fizzle out. I prefer to give the baby every opportunity to come naturally and thus increase my chances of a third successful vaginal birth. (Yes, really, I have been here before, I am not a newbie!)
I had originally had an appointment scheduled for Tuesday morning, but Dr. M had to cancel as he was in a complicated delivery. I was rescheduled to today, April 5th, 39 weeks 6 days. I was starting to get a little nervous going so long between appointments at such a late point in the pregnancy.
It was a nice, relaxed appointment today though as AB was there and Dr. M had few patients scheduled since he only normally works Tuesday and Wednesdays. So we took the time to sit and talk about options.
I went in expecting to be sent in for an induction. But he really left it up to me. How do I feel - am I going absolutely stir crazy, how is my frame of mind, how is the baby doing? We decided to take into consideration a number of factors and tests to decide the path forward (not surprising for me as a scientist - I need data).
First step - bp and weight. BP was 102/68 (shockingly low at this late point) and no weight gain since last week.
Second step - Office exam, measuring right at 40 weeks (again), head down, and cervix check. My cervix is still very high (ouchie mama that exam was not fun). 1 cm dilated (still), but effaced and cervix is soft. Contractions are doing something if at least slowly. I have never dilated easily, so this is an accomplishment for me.
Third step - Mental. Yes, I am tired. But it is only a few days to try and give him more time to come on his own. I can do that. I am strong. I don't feel like a number of those women I have heard crying and begging for an induction. When it comes down to it, I am happy, a little weepy (stupid emotional commercials), a little hot headed when people constantly barage me with "how are you doing" or stupid questions that don't help the situation or offer their advice. I don't want a c-section. AB doesn't have the time off to help me recover from a c-section and I know I can deliver vaginally. An induction comes with an increased risk of c-section and since my cervix is just barely ready if it really is (I actually am not completely sure, but Dr. M has concerns about inducing and I trust him), this concerns me.
Fourth step - Family Birthing Center. Non-stress test showed (not surprising to AB and I) one extremely active baby. No significant contractions going on, regular heart rate with typical accelerations. Ultrasound was aimed to assess fluid levels (my fluids have been high to this point, but we don't want low fluids), and fetal size. They also do a sort of non-stress ultrasound for the baby where they count inhalations, back arching and hand flexing. Hand flexing passed with flying colors as we watched him play with the umbilical cord. Inhalations passed well as did the back arching. Fluid levels were normal and fetal size was determined to be "average". The measurement comes with a +/- 1.5 lbs error, but he was assessed at 8.5 lbs +/- 1.5 lbs.
Given all this combined the baby is not at risk, my mental state is sound, fluids are good, no concerns for size (I suppose...), we decided not to induce today and I was released from the hospital. We opted to try to give it over the weekend to go into labor. If that doesn't happen then we reassess Monday morning.
As AB and I left the birthing center he said, "I have such good memories of this place and am excited to be back." We have had nothing but fabulous, caring nurses, a great ob that prefers low intervention routes.
So there, that is the news. Don't feel slighted if I don't respond to incessant inquiries about how I am doing, respond to questions that call into question my doctor's and our decisions, or pay attention to everyone's suggestions about what I can do to trigger labor. I am frankly tired of ongoing contractions and worn out and sore from waking up in the morning after a long night with hour long sets of contractions that fizzle out. I prefer to give the baby every opportunity to come naturally and thus increase my chances of a third successful vaginal birth. (Yes, really, I have been here before, I am not a newbie!)
Monday, April 1, 2013
The last week
Tired. Exhausted. Thankful. Somewhat relaxing...
I actually didn't think I would see 39 weeks. The high risk doc thought I would be in labor around week 32, my ob was betting on week 38. And here I am week 39, day 2.
I am doing ok. I don't mind so much these last few days. But I didn't realize how hard Spring Break was going to be with two kids home going stir crazy.
What is really getting me is the on and off again contractions. Sometimes I can just feel them and they are annoying. Other times (most often) they are a bit stronger and make me pause what I am doing while I wait for that 45-60 seconds to pass, then move on about my business until another one strikes. More rarely they are actually painful painful and make me wonder if this is it. But those ones usually aren't the ones that are regular. The mild to moderate ones are regular.
I guess if the harder ones were regular, I wouldn't be here.
I told my ob that he would flip from being transverse to head down - I was right. I told him I would go into labor despite the baby being so high - I did with Leif after all. But as AB pointed out I was also 41 weeks exactly and there was no fluid left. This baby is different. (As they all are.)
What I hadn't expected, which I have heard people say before, is how exahausting the off/on contractions are. I hate leaving the house because I don't know where I am going to get stuck having moderate contractions. And well, I hate leaving the house because I kind of just want to hibernate in even though it is spring. So I have spent much of my time the last two weeks in the house - which is amazingly getting somewhat picked up and organized.
Everyone has wonderful advice - I have heard from a few people to eat pineapple. And I would. I would chow down on pineapple and grapefruit if my heartburn weren't wrecking such havoc. This child has to have uber-long hair. I am on both a prescription medication as well as Tums 2-3 times a day in some effort to reign in the heartburn. So no pineapple for me.
Red raspberry leaf tea. Umm hmm.
Walking - well if I weren't having such horrible sciatica/PGP that makes it near impossible for me to even walk to my kitchen on a regular basis and occasionally requiring me to get my husband's help to even go to the restroom, then yes, I would be walking (as I did with the other two).
I guess I don't have a whole lot of faith in all the home options to get labor going since I did these with my other two and they were both "overdue".
Tomorrow I go into my ob's office - an appointment I thought I wouldn't see! And I expect to get the dreaded induction appointment. I am fine with that. I had to be induced with Skadi as my water broke, my contractions were going nowhere, she was shoulder presentation and it was a last ditch effort before succumbing to c-section. It worked and I had a good labor and delivery. I am not a granola birther... give me the drugs, I want a pleasant awake experience witnessing my children coming into the world.
I actually didn't think I would see 39 weeks. The high risk doc thought I would be in labor around week 32, my ob was betting on week 38. And here I am week 39, day 2.
I am doing ok. I don't mind so much these last few days. But I didn't realize how hard Spring Break was going to be with two kids home going stir crazy.
What is really getting me is the on and off again contractions. Sometimes I can just feel them and they are annoying. Other times (most often) they are a bit stronger and make me pause what I am doing while I wait for that 45-60 seconds to pass, then move on about my business until another one strikes. More rarely they are actually painful painful and make me wonder if this is it. But those ones usually aren't the ones that are regular. The mild to moderate ones are regular.
I guess if the harder ones were regular, I wouldn't be here.
I told my ob that he would flip from being transverse to head down - I was right. I told him I would go into labor despite the baby being so high - I did with Leif after all. But as AB pointed out I was also 41 weeks exactly and there was no fluid left. This baby is different. (As they all are.)
What I hadn't expected, which I have heard people say before, is how exahausting the off/on contractions are. I hate leaving the house because I don't know where I am going to get stuck having moderate contractions. And well, I hate leaving the house because I kind of just want to hibernate in even though it is spring. So I have spent much of my time the last two weeks in the house - which is amazingly getting somewhat picked up and organized.
Everyone has wonderful advice - I have heard from a few people to eat pineapple. And I would. I would chow down on pineapple and grapefruit if my heartburn weren't wrecking such havoc. This child has to have uber-long hair. I am on both a prescription medication as well as Tums 2-3 times a day in some effort to reign in the heartburn. So no pineapple for me.
Red raspberry leaf tea. Umm hmm.
Walking - well if I weren't having such horrible sciatica/PGP that makes it near impossible for me to even walk to my kitchen on a regular basis and occasionally requiring me to get my husband's help to even go to the restroom, then yes, I would be walking (as I did with the other two).
I guess I don't have a whole lot of faith in all the home options to get labor going since I did these with my other two and they were both "overdue".
Tomorrow I go into my ob's office - an appointment I thought I wouldn't see! And I expect to get the dreaded induction appointment. I am fine with that. I had to be induced with Skadi as my water broke, my contractions were going nowhere, she was shoulder presentation and it was a last ditch effort before succumbing to c-section. It worked and I had a good labor and delivery. I am not a granola birther... give me the drugs, I want a pleasant awake experience witnessing my children coming into the world.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
March 26, 38 weeks 3 days
Well I made it past my milestones! This baby will NOT share a birthday with his sister!
Skadi kept saying it would be the best present ever, but AB and I were pretty sure that would not be the case. Phew.
My days seem to be sinusoidal. One day will be fabulous and I will have a ton of energy. The next full of aches, pains, contractions and not feeling great. Certain that labor is just around the corner. Then the contractions peter off and I have a comfortable day following.
Sunday my tailbone started aching and sitting became uncomfortable. Within about an hour I was unable to walk by myself and had to rely on AB to get me anywhere in the house. Right off the bat - paranoia - was the baby ok? What if the kids needed me? What if I could not get to them? Should I let AB go to work in the morning?
AB's concerns were similar - was the baby ok? Should I go to work? Are you sure they aren't contractions?
Appears this isn't completely unheard of and is simply termed "Pelvic Girdle Pain" by some. It can happen when the baby drops (and I think he has dropped - my heartburn is pretty well gone) in combination with nerve pain/overuse (i.e., being too active). I tried Tylenol to no avail. Had a good night's sleep and the extreme pain had pretty well gone away Monday morning. At least I was able to move myself around unassisted.
I didn't dare walk the kids down to the bus stop (but watched them at the stop from the window). I also didn't dare drive as I was worried my legs wouldn't respond appropriately. I am feeling more confident on my feet this morning - 36 hrs later. But I doubt I will be walking the halls during labor like I did with Skadi.
We are still struggling with names believe it or not. I told AB last night that I wish a new name would pop up that would really trump the other three. The three we have selected are good names, I would be happy with any of the three, but none really blows me away. I have my favorite of the three (and for the record, Leif sides with me). AB has his favorite of the three. Mine is the non-Scandinavian name, though it appears on the Norwegian popularity chart and sounds as though it goes with my kids' names. The other two are typical Scandinavian boy names. A few that had been on the list of 10 maybe popped back up last night. But none of the names are really popping for AB and me.
Emotions. Oh my goodness out of control. The other week at Leif's parent teacher conference his teacher told us about how Leif had really latched onto a book about a boy writing poetry (we knew something had triggered this as he has been writing poetry, and it is surprisingly good). But the muse for writing poetry in the book was the boy's dog being hit by a car.
Oh my goodness tears. Uncontrollable. His teacher felt so bad!
But stupid sentimental commercials get me. Thinking about my mom gets me. Thinking about my grandma gets me. I seem to be just an emotional mess lately!
So back to my ob tomorrow for my 38 week appointment.
Skadi kept saying it would be the best present ever, but AB and I were pretty sure that would not be the case. Phew.
My days seem to be sinusoidal. One day will be fabulous and I will have a ton of energy. The next full of aches, pains, contractions and not feeling great. Certain that labor is just around the corner. Then the contractions peter off and I have a comfortable day following.
Sunday my tailbone started aching and sitting became uncomfortable. Within about an hour I was unable to walk by myself and had to rely on AB to get me anywhere in the house. Right off the bat - paranoia - was the baby ok? What if the kids needed me? What if I could not get to them? Should I let AB go to work in the morning?
AB's concerns were similar - was the baby ok? Should I go to work? Are you sure they aren't contractions?
Appears this isn't completely unheard of and is simply termed "Pelvic Girdle Pain" by some. It can happen when the baby drops (and I think he has dropped - my heartburn is pretty well gone) in combination with nerve pain/overuse (i.e., being too active). I tried Tylenol to no avail. Had a good night's sleep and the extreme pain had pretty well gone away Monday morning. At least I was able to move myself around unassisted.
I didn't dare walk the kids down to the bus stop (but watched them at the stop from the window). I also didn't dare drive as I was worried my legs wouldn't respond appropriately. I am feeling more confident on my feet this morning - 36 hrs later. But I doubt I will be walking the halls during labor like I did with Skadi.
We are still struggling with names believe it or not. I told AB last night that I wish a new name would pop up that would really trump the other three. The three we have selected are good names, I would be happy with any of the three, but none really blows me away. I have my favorite of the three (and for the record, Leif sides with me). AB has his favorite of the three. Mine is the non-Scandinavian name, though it appears on the Norwegian popularity chart and sounds as though it goes with my kids' names. The other two are typical Scandinavian boy names. A few that had been on the list of 10 maybe popped back up last night. But none of the names are really popping for AB and me.
Emotions. Oh my goodness out of control. The other week at Leif's parent teacher conference his teacher told us about how Leif had really latched onto a book about a boy writing poetry (we knew something had triggered this as he has been writing poetry, and it is surprisingly good). But the muse for writing poetry in the book was the boy's dog being hit by a car.
Oh my goodness tears. Uncontrollable. His teacher felt so bad!
But stupid sentimental commercials get me. Thinking about my mom gets me. Thinking about my grandma gets me. I seem to be just an emotional mess lately!
So back to my ob tomorrow for my 38 week appointment.
Friday, March 22, 2013
37 Week Appt
Well I officially know now what a mucus plug looks like. Nasty stuff. But mine? Gone.
The 37 week appointment was a good one for the most part. The baby is still head down. I was given the choice whether I wanted Dr. M to check me or not and I decided maybe I was curious if those contractions have been doing anything at all. Baby is high - as usual, neither of my other two dropped until I was in active labor - but lo and behold I was dilated about a centimeter.
I wasn't "green as a gourd"! Those contractions ARE working!
Dr. M thinks I will probably make it to the next appointment, but maybe not. He thinks labor will happen in the next week or two - maybe week to 10 days. Prediction is an averaged size baby, about the same as Leif and Skadi (7 lbs 8 oz and 7 lbs 15 oz respectively).
A few mild concerns. 6 lbs of weight gain in a week, well that is obviously water weight as apparent by my feet and calves and the fact that no one gains 6 lbs in a week. But also my blood pressure was "borderline". My systolic was 140!! I have never in my entire life had high or even borderline blood pressure. That is high, but my diastolic was 70, so I was called borderline.
I have been having a lot of soreness and random contractions, so I bravely asked him to write me out of work. But give me two more days to finish wrapping things up. So as of the day I write this - 37 weeks 6 days, Friday the 22nd, I am officially off of work.
And THAT is what is freaking me out.
I can birth a baby. I can care for a newborn. No problem.
Not work for the next 8-10 weeks? Freaking the crap out of me. I have a few control issues.
And I have such varying responses from the people I work with it honestly doesn't help. One guy I have worked on the Navy project with for 5 years told me a few weeks ago:
KR: "seriously you are going to go out on leave and come back and we are all going to think 'you're back already'?"
His tune was only slightly changed yesterday.
KR: "I can call you, right? Cause I guarantee I am going to be calling you."
Then he made me promise to spend at least 15 minutes just sitting on my couch doing nothing for him. He has twin 2 year olds and an 8 week old at home and said he would pay money to just sit.
Then there is the other guy I work with a lot lately in multiple capacities, PM and co-PI. GE has been in denial about the pregnancy. Completely.
Yesterday I entertained multiple e-mail communications from him of a panicked sort. Him? Not so happy about my absence, but finally sent a note saying they would "muddle through".
I truly do trust everyone I work with and they are some incredibly intelligent people. I am lucky. I love my job right now, I have confidence in what I do, others have confidence in me and I see my career on a good trajectory. It is probably that the baby isn't here yet, but not flipping on my e-mail and responding is taking everything I have within me right now.
The 37 week appointment was a good one for the most part. The baby is still head down. I was given the choice whether I wanted Dr. M to check me or not and I decided maybe I was curious if those contractions have been doing anything at all. Baby is high - as usual, neither of my other two dropped until I was in active labor - but lo and behold I was dilated about a centimeter.
I wasn't "green as a gourd"! Those contractions ARE working!
Dr. M thinks I will probably make it to the next appointment, but maybe not. He thinks labor will happen in the next week or two - maybe week to 10 days. Prediction is an averaged size baby, about the same as Leif and Skadi (7 lbs 8 oz and 7 lbs 15 oz respectively).
A few mild concerns. 6 lbs of weight gain in a week, well that is obviously water weight as apparent by my feet and calves and the fact that no one gains 6 lbs in a week. But also my blood pressure was "borderline". My systolic was 140!! I have never in my entire life had high or even borderline blood pressure. That is high, but my diastolic was 70, so I was called borderline.
I have been having a lot of soreness and random contractions, so I bravely asked him to write me out of work. But give me two more days to finish wrapping things up. So as of the day I write this - 37 weeks 6 days, Friday the 22nd, I am officially off of work.
And THAT is what is freaking me out.
I can birth a baby. I can care for a newborn. No problem.
Not work for the next 8-10 weeks? Freaking the crap out of me. I have a few control issues.
And I have such varying responses from the people I work with it honestly doesn't help. One guy I have worked on the Navy project with for 5 years told me a few weeks ago:
KR: "seriously you are going to go out on leave and come back and we are all going to think 'you're back already'?"
His tune was only slightly changed yesterday.
KR: "I can call you, right? Cause I guarantee I am going to be calling you."
Then he made me promise to spend at least 15 minutes just sitting on my couch doing nothing for him. He has twin 2 year olds and an 8 week old at home and said he would pay money to just sit.
Then there is the other guy I work with a lot lately in multiple capacities, PM and co-PI. GE has been in denial about the pregnancy. Completely.
Yesterday I entertained multiple e-mail communications from him of a panicked sort. Him? Not so happy about my absence, but finally sent a note saying they would "muddle through".
I truly do trust everyone I work with and they are some incredibly intelligent people. I am lucky. I love my job right now, I have confidence in what I do, others have confidence in me and I see my career on a good trajectory. It is probably that the baby isn't here yet, but not flipping on my e-mail and responding is taking everything I have within me right now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)